The Reckoning - Book Two

Chapter Ten - Aeris

"Did you read your letter from Daella yet?" I ask Alvaryn coming into his tent.

He looks up from the map he studies day and night for a moment before turning back to it, face held in a look of deep concentration.

"Yes of course, why?" He answers, brow furrowed.

"Did she seem like herself?" I ask.

"What do you mean?"

"Just, how she wrote. I mean I know she won't be her best self, but something felt off." I explain, hoping he had felt it too.

"Off? Off how?" He asks, one brow raised as he looks over at me.

"I don't know, it's difficult to explain. You truly didn't get anything from your letter?" I ask, watching as he turns back to the map. He was obsessed with it and I understood why but it didn't make any easier to watch.

He sighs heavily, glancing over at me again.

"Honestly, she sounded unhappy, but I didn't expect her to sound overly happy. We left her in the palace to fight this war, we have no idea how long it will take or when we will be back, she has no real friends or anyone to talk to besides Quirin. How did you think she would feel?" He says and I know he is feeling her loss just as much as I did but his mind was constantly distracted by the responsibility of being general in a way that mine was not.

"No, it's more than that." I say frustrated he didn't sense it as well. "Unless it wasn't and I was just reading more into it than was there."

"She was happy to hear from us." He offers, like it will ease my fears but it doesn't.

I walk further into the tent sitting myself at one of the chairs around the table we had fashioned into our war table, maps and messages cover the space and I stare at it while not really seeing it.

"Have you slept at all since we left?" He asks after a long silent pause.

I grind my teeth together knowing the answer but not wanting to say it out loud. He only sighs, looking up at the tent roof before back at me.

"I need you here with me, I need you to be sharp and focussed, not sleep deprived and depressed." He says coming towards me.

I look up at him.

"It's not like I don't try." I tell him tightly. "I suppose I had gotten so used to sleeping beside her that now it feels..." I don't finish the sentence. I hadn't quite figured out the correct word for how it felt. Lonely? Empty? Wrong?

"I know, I feel the same way, but the sooner we are finished here the sooner we can go home to her. But we won't win this war if we fall asleep on the battlefield." He says sitting on the chair in front of me jacket unbuttoned and hair mussed like he had ran his hand through it many times over. It was a rare sight to see him out of order and less them impeccable.

I nod, knowing he is right.

"And tomorrow is our first battle, I need you there, all of you." He says, voice turning serious.

I know the importance of tomorrow, it would set the stage for this war. Our first real fight, thousands of males would fight and many would not return.

I wanted to be there, I needed to be there.

I stand up suddenly, having made my decision.

"Where are you going?" He asks as I walk to the tent entrance.

"Going to find a way to get a good night sleep." I tell him with a grin on my face.

He only studies me, not asking me what I meant but I doubt he needed to.

I had told her I wouldn't go back to it, that I wouldn't fall down that dark hole and drown myself in liquor but this was different. I needed to sleep and there was always one sure way to do that.

I find the kitchen tent, passing males sitting around camp fires and talking amongst themselves as they wait for tomorrow. I grab a bottle of wine before pulling the cork out with my teeth and gulping it down.

"Just enough to help me sleep." I tell myself before taking another long pull, the familiar taste is heady and brings back a flurry of memories but I push them aside as I step outside into the cool night air and look up at the star filled night sky. I let the wine settle inside of me before taking another drink and making my way to my tent more than ready to finally get a full night's sleep.

When I reach my tent I sit on my cot and pull out Daella's letter.

Alvaryn had said he hadn't picked up on anything out of the ordinary, anything more than expected. But why couldn't I shake this feeling that there was something more?

Was it just paranoia? Was I just seeing things that weren't there in her words because I missed her so much it ached?

I take another long pull of wine, enjoying the way it dulled that constant ache.

She was safe, that was what mattered. Despite Dem's many, many flaws, he would keep her safe, of that I could be sure of.

She might be lonely, she might be struggling, but all those things could be fixed once we are home.

And Alvaryn is right, the sooner we are done here, the sooner we can go home.

I read her letter again, following her neat script, wondering what she had thought of my sad attempt.

I had been honest when I wrote to her. I had never written a love letter before, the thought had never even crossed my mind, but I had done my best and simply wrote how I was feeling. I had to keep the worst to myself, not wanting to burden her, only convey how much I wanted to be there with her.

I don't even know if it was good enough, if any letter would be good enough.

Alvaryn exulted in the written word, spending his time reading everything and anything and I knew he would use that knowledge to write to Daella in a way I would never be capable of.

Daella read as well, and while I enjoyed the occasional story I knew it wasn't the same as what they shared. I didn't envy them. It was who they were and I wouldn't change it.

I tip back the wine bottle again, feeling the warm liquid run down my throat and my body react to it. My muscles loosen and I can feel myself smiling as I stare down at her letter.

Perhaps my letter wasn't as good as Alvaryn's but I remind myself it isn't a competition. We didn't have to compete for Daella, she was ours and soon this time apart will only be a memory.