GRIEF OF HIS HEART - A Novella

two

After Rick showed him around, he's left alone in his designated room.

The walls are made of steel. So is the bed. White, thin sheets sit on it. There's a mini desk in the corner and a closet in the corner. When he opens it, dust makes him cough.

In there, his brown shirt hangs. A hole is buried in it- the spear. Then, the pants he always wore, with the million pockets. His shoes stand on the bottom.

Rick gave him a gray shirt with the brownish pants, and stupid boots that don't feel right.

Then his eyes fall on the things on the desk. Gally inhales sharply, his jaw clenching.

The stuff he brought with him. The plain, black notebook, a bag of peanuts, and a few nails he always carries with him in case he needs them.

He can't believe it. He refuses to believe it.

She's not dead. She can't be.

His fingers trail over the notebook, but he doesn't open it. She told him not to.

"Could you bring me my notebook as I'm letting my hand get treated?" Valerie had wondered. She talked super soft and quiet, barely hearable for him.

"Of course."

"You won't go through it, right?" She added hesitantly. "Sorry. I just-"

"I won't go through it." He had promised. "Just get your hand treated."

When she punched the tree because Ben got banished. He closes his eyes. Shakes the memory off. That hasn't even been a week ago.

The peanuts he also carried with him, though he hates them more than anything else that's edible.

For her. In case she fainted and needed food. Peanuts aren't sweet, but it's the only thing he managed to steal from Fry. And to feed Josephine. The chicken he never really liked.

It-or she-almost felt like a competition. It's so ridiculous that he nearly smiles at it. But he did feel like that... that he had to prove he was better than that animal.

A sigh leaves his mouth as he sits down on the bed. Not as comfortable as her bed for sure. He takes the pillow in his hand. It's too thin. Not nice. And it doesn't smell like anything he likes- like Valerie.

She's not dead. She's not dead. She's not dead. She's not dead. She's not dead. She's not dead. She's not dead. She's not dead. She's not dead. She's not dead. She's not dead. She's not dead. She's not dead. She's not dead. She's not dead. She's not dead. She's not dead. She's not dead. She's not dead. She's not dead. She's not dead.

She's not. He would never forgive himself if he ever hurt her like that. It's a dream. Hallucination from after the Changing.

But when he tries to wake up, he won't.

Yet when he tries to sleep, he sees her face and he gives up right away.