GRIEF OF HIS HEART - A Novella

four

With trainings, Jasper meant trainings to fight, use guns, knives, and whatever other weapons.

Gally's not too bad at it, so he's allowed to leave earlier today. In that time, he just lies on his bed, staring at the ceiling.

He feels numb. It's been a few weeks since he arrived, and Val really isn't there. And according to what he's heard from others, Rick isn't lying.

She's dead.

And he did that.

He bites his lips until he tastes blood. What does he even have left now? Fry, his true friend, isn't here either. No one is here. And how're they supposed to survive in the Scorch that seems to be surrounding them?

Who even escaped?

None of his Builders for sure. They died in the Glade, not even the Maze.

What if he hadn't come with them? She wouldn't be dead. She would maybe be living the life she wished for.

"Or would you buy a tent and live in the woods?" She had asked.

"I'll stick with the house." He said blankly.

"Would you stay with me?"

"Is that even a question? Obviously." A squeeze in her hand.

She had laughed. "So you would stay in a house, together with me? Any pets?"

"Newt can come and visit. We'll give him a lizard cage."

Val muted a giggle with my hand. "That's... possible. Perhaps we could get a dog."

"Cat."

"Dog."

"Cats are better."

"Dogs are more fun."

"Cats are calmer."

"Okay. A cat and a dog." She decided. "Any kids?"

"Maybe." He had replied. "But I'll wait a few years before thinking about that in a serious way. You?"

"Hm. I don't know. We'll see. What kind of house would you get?"

"I really don't care. As long as you're in it and happy, then it's perfect." He muttered, scratching his forehead.

Well, whatever this Crank Army is, is not perfect.

Lawrence, their leader, is a strange man. Keeps smelling roses with the nose he doesn't have. Mutters things about roses, too. And the veins the others had are even worse for him, though he carries some kind of serum with him. Keeps him alive.

He had greeted Gally with a 'business talk' on how things worked here. Explained how he would join the army and fight WCKD, the company that locked them up in the Maze.

They have to pay, Lawrence had said. For locking us Cranks outside the walls.

He continues thinking as he stares at the ceiling, feeling the tears swell. He doesn't want to be here. The only reason he escaped in the first place was because she asked him to, and their plan was to go live somewhere together.

Now they can't, because she's dead.

And I did that, he thinks, just like he does every single time.

The guilt is so unbearable that there's nothing he does about it. Nothing will work. He has thrown the peanuts away. They'll get mold on them anyways. The notebook lies untouched on his desk.

Every time he looks at it, it feels forbidden. He wants to open it and burn it at the same time. It's... haunting him. Her laugh is haunting him. Her smell. Everything that can remind him of her, will.

And he hates it. So much. But perhaps, maybe someday, there's something that'll be worth it to live for.

He doesn't give up. She wouldn't have wanted him to.