california // johnnie guilbert x y/n

23 heroin

TW DEATH DRUGS ECT

today is the 12th of september which means its was 6 years today that eleanor died

eleanor was my bestest friend in school and when she was 17 she died when we were out clubbing. one minute we were singing baby on karaoke and next minute her drink was spiked and she was having a seizure in the bathroom. she ended up choking on her own vomit

i could of saved her

if i went with her when she said she was going to the bathroom i could of stopped her from dying and she could be here in la living the dream with me

she would be so proud of me. she knows that i have liked johnnie since we were in school and now that im dating him she would be so happy

i dont like speaking about her very much because it just brings back old memories of the day she died

all i can remember isbeing confused on why she was in the bathroom for 20 minutes and when i went in looking for her i saw security with her dead body and the police on the phone. that was the worst sight ever

i think that day is the reason i like lana del rey so much now. when eleanor died all i listened to was the lust for life album. mainly heroin

im currently in bed by myself

johnnie dosnt even know about eleanor the only people here that know are evie eva rosa and brooke. brooke stayed with me all night when eleanor died i dont know what i would of done if brooke wasnt there.

it's currently 6:34pm and im only just picking up my phone. i have been thinking for the past hour and 30 mins.

johnnie has messaged me a lot

JOHNNIE♥️:
johnnie: do you want to come to mine tonight
johnnie: tara is coming too
johnnie: are you okay?
johnnie: have i done something?
johnnie: im sorry if i have
johnnie: i love you
johnnie: im coming over im worried

the last message was from 20 mins ago but he cant come over. not today. i dont want to see anyone today even if its johnnie

y/n: sorry i was just sleeping but dont come over
y/n: and i also cant come over im busy
y/n: and no you haven't done anything wrong dont worry about it love you too

i dont want him worrying about me today is always hard for me but i dont want to make it hard for him as well

rosa messaged me asking if im okay. she always remembers about today

i hear a knock on my door

"COME INNNN" i say

it was evie brooke and eva

they were all friends with eleanor but i was the closest with her

"good" evie says

"johnnie messaged me and told me to tell you to answer him" eva says

"i did i only woke up a little while ago" i say with a fake smile

"well we will leave you be" brooke says leading them out

they are all such good friends i love them so so much

when she first died i couldn't believe it '𝒾 𝓉𝒽𝑜𝓊𝑔𝒽𝓉 𝓉𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝓈𝒽𝑒 𝓌𝑜𝓊𝓁𝒹 𝒸𝑜𝓂𝑒 𝒷𝒶𝒸𝓀 𝒶𝑔𝒶𝒾𝓃 𝓉𝑜 𝓉𝑒𝓁𝓁 𝓂𝑒 𝑒𝓋𝑒𝓇𝓎𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓃𝑔𝓈 𝑜𝓀𝒶𝓎' but i think i was just in denial

i saw that tara messaged me

TARA💗:

tara: hey babe why cant you come to jake and johnnies later?

y/n: ill tell you another day doll

tara: okay boo

i decide to make my yearly eleanor post on ig i make a post about her every year just so everyone will remember her

@qty/n: flying to the moon again dreaming about heroin 🕊️

i obviously quoted lana del rey in the caption the first pic is us at my parents wedding the second is from the day she died and the third is us when i went on holiday with her

comments:

tarayummy: here for you boo

qteviee: missing her

p3nnywxll: ur doing her proud

load more

penny commented. penny was one of eleanors closest friends. i hope pennys okay

AN:
SORRY FOR THE DEPRESSING PART I THINK THERES A GOOD PART TMR BUT IM NOT SURE ALSO THANK YOU ALL SOSOSOSOSOSOSOSOSOSISSOISSOSOSOSOSOSISOSOSO MUCH FOR 1.25K READS IT MEANS THE WORLD I LOVE ALL OF UES SO MUCHHH