Wo, Mein Aur Meri Sautan

1. wanna be yours

P. S. There's a little inconsistency in the 'i' and 'I', but I can't be bothered to edit the whole thing so please bear with me.

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I met him for the first time when he was sixteen. My teammates found it easy to befriend him. They said 'he is just shy, you will have to make the first move'. But i found him intimidating, that was absolutely my singular opinion.

As the years passed, it only got harder for me to be in his vicinity. To be in the same room, to be batting partners and 'friends'. I could never see him as just a friend. It might have taken me a couple of years to come to terms with my own feelings and preferences, but I knew for sure that Shubman could never be just a teammate or friend for me.

When seeing him and being around him became inevitable, I tamed my heart from going haywire every time Shubman was near me, holding hands or even sharing a side hug after matches. Now i just feel happy with whatever i can have and before I knew we have become roommates.

One fine evening Shubman barged into my room and decided he wasn't shy anymore and claimed the other side of my bed, half my room and my whole wardrobe, his. And all i could do was go along with his shenanigans, at least i could be close to him.

But it was the worst thing i could've done to my poor heart that yearned for him in ways unfathomable. Shubman never seemed to question why the outgoing and ever so loud I, was the quiet one among the duo. We just became the inseparable best friends and the 'couple' of the ICT.

Then the IPL happened. We were both in separate teams thus separating the inseparable duo. But did that stop Shubman from invading my room? Rival team member's room? Nope. Yet just like someone wise had said a long time ago, nothing good lasts forever, our little paradise that i cherished was invaded by a third person.

Maybe it was for the best or for the worst, Shubman got a girlfriend. Like everything that had happened with us, unexpectedly he told me one night while we were in bed, trying to find something to watch that he was seeing Simran. They have been friends since high school and the only girl he kept in touch with through his cricketing career.

I thought, it was for the best. Now the other team members won't tease us anymore, the fans won't talk about us anymore and i could move on, maybe find someone.

'Par yeh dil hey ki manta hi nahin'.

My number of failed attempts at finding someone could be counted with just one hand. But the effort is what matters, right? I asked out a girl i saw at the bar only to be invited for a threesome, a guy approached me with a 'no strings attached' and then came in Mayank. He had asked me out once before and i was so quick to brush him off but now that Shubman had a girlfriend and the whole world knew about it, he popped in again. And this time i wasn't that quick to push him away so i gave being boyfriends a chance. So yes three times, i tried.

Mayank was a good guy, a perfect boyfriend material. He did everything right from buying me gifts and making me feel special to being my emotional support. And that's how we went from being boyfriends to best friends. My journey of moving on lasted three weeks and some very, very bad attempts at sex.

If my hungover and blurry brain had stored the information right, then it was during a party after our victory against CSK, i blurted my guts to Mayank. He had said those three magical words expecting me to consider his feelings when i replied with a bigger blunder. I had said as he recalled, ' I love you too Gill so so so fucking much' and cried my eyes out.

Since that day we have been tied to the hips, you can say Shubman was dethroned by Mayank. Shubman was no longer my 'best friend' he was the friend i had feelings for since the beginning of time but i put up a facade of brotherhood. Did that hurt Shubman? Yes. Was it blatantly evident? Yes.