Marry Me

6. An Idea Of A selfishness

"A trip? Just the two of you?!"

Felix knew his mom was gonna react that way. So he prepares the answers beforehand.

"Yeah. Well, you know we barely love each other to begin with. So, if you could give us chance to have a trip toge-"

"Okay, that's actually cool." His mom surprisingly agreed without any argument.

Felix appears to not believe what was happening. He for real prepared three pages of essay in case there would be things his mom wanted to argue with.

"Really? You didn't want an explanation?"

The mom began grinning.

"Go and have fun honey. I know you needed this. Take as much time you need, as long as you can get to know him better. I don't mind." The mom has a point.

As easy as that, Felix still needs to put on a lie. As the trip was not about him and Hyunjin at all.

(Flashback)

Hyunjin's eyes were widely opened.

"You wanted me to follow you on a trip? To Paris?"

Felix nodded, smiling with his whole face.

"In search for your boyfriend?" He asks again, for a confirmation.

And Felix nodded again. Wearing the same smile.

"You want me, ME? To help you look for your boyfriend?" And Hyunjin still couldn't believe his ears.

As he tried to smile, Felix knows deep inside, he felt a glimpse of guilt towards the latter. Because, despite knowing how Hyunjin felt about him, he still wanted to get Hyunjin involved in his selfish decision.

"I know it sounds terrible. You can curse me with all your heart. I'm messing with your feelings, right now." Felix plays with his fingers.

These days, he had always felt nervous near Hyunjin.

"..but this is all I need to do to know.. wether he still needs me or not. I..., If he have replaced me with someone else, maybe... You know.." He cant bring himself to continue.

Because, either way it will still sounds selfish and will hurt Hyunjin no matter what he said.

But Hyunjin shows the patience and the curiosity. Which was hard for Felix to stay quiet now.

"Maybe I could consider the wedding after the tr-"

"Agree. I will pack up my stuff. When are we leaving?" He stood up fast after what he heard from Felix.

Felix watches the taller got all excited for that trip. He felt another guilt punching through his soul.

"But... If.. if he takes me back.. will you be okay after that?"

The breeze walked in to disrupt them. And the silence came by to create a chain on each other's mouth.

Felix regretting having to asked that, and Hyunjin was transforming into a stone.

"If that what's written for me, who am I to question it?" Hyunjin said in the gentlest way possible.

And the softness he showed little by little touched Felix in some ways. But the blonde always shrugged it when he realized that his heart was moved.

'He deserve someone better than me, but why did he choose me?' Felix ponders.

(End of flashback)

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"You sure you're there for a trip with your future husband and not because you saw him online yesterday?" A sudden question stabbing from the back.

Felix who was loading up his belongings on the boot of his car, turns behind and saw Rachel.

His elder sister.

"You're home?" He didn't notice her this morning when they're having breakfast.

"Answer me." She says while crossing his hand around her chest.

She look so serious.

Felix gulping in fears. "No.. its not because of hi-"

"Yes its because of him. You're using Hyunjin for your own benefits. Felix, where's my little angel? Did he died with his blinded love?" Rachel stood closer and speak in whisper.

She knows Felix would never hurt anyone's feelings, and she didn't want Felix to change into someone else just because of Kimie.

Despite feeling guilty and agreeing with what have his sister pointed out, things couldn't be undone.

"Sorry. I cant cancel the trip now. And, Jinie himself agree to go with me even though I've told him about Kimie. So, I'm not hurting his feelings right now."

I was not, and will not force him to do things he doesn't want to. How could she expects the worst from me?

"Are you sure about that? Asking your future husband to help you go find your boyfriend is like asking your husband to allowed you to take another husband. You understand what I mean?" She stare him in the eyes.

Felix saw concerns in her eyes and stopped staring at her before looking down to the golden floor.

She have a point.

"Please, open your eyes and start making decision that is right for you and Hyunjin. The decision that is good for both of you. I cant do much but hoping from afar."

Everything that was been said by her were printed neatly inside Felix's mind.

"And please dont hurt each other's feelings. Okay?" The last thing she said before she went inside the house.

What was she saying? I'm not hurting him.. r... right?

Jinie... You weren't hurting because of me, right?
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"You're hurting."

The two pairs of eyes were trembling upon hearing those two words.

"What are you saying, hyung? I'm happy. I got the chance to go somewhere with Felix. That should be the nicest thing happen this year." Hyunjin trying to shift his focus on his packed luggage.

"But your eyes, face and even heart says otherwise. You happy allowing him to toy with your f**cking feelings?" Chan hyung looks at Hyunjin, dead serious.

What pissed him off more was that because Hyunjin didn't deny it.

"I want to see, what kind of relationship do I suits more with him. Lover or friend. In this trip, I will look for answer. If I get the answer and feel the need to cancel the wedding after this, then I would. I wont make things complicated between us. Dont worry."

But Chan of course seems worried. Though he cant do anything when Hyunjin himself wanted to do this.
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Hyunjin POV:

I dragged the luggage to the center of the waiting area. While on the phone, my eyes were looking around to make sure I was in the right platform.

"Okay, mom. I will take care of him. Bye. See you." I hung up.

She was worried too much.

I shook my head thinking about her, but that was when I saw Felix from another side of the airport.

He was looking at me, beside his tall luggage too.

I stood there still.

He was so close, but yet still too far from me.

I'm doing this on my own will, For answers.

At the end of the road, there was a possiblity for this distance to be even wider and he will get farther away from me.

So, let me enjoy this trip with him. As long as I can.

I wear a smile and walk towards him. The closest I will ever get to him. For how long, depends on my fate.
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(It took a week for me to get this part done. Thank you for waiting.)