Wish I Was Better

V

I woke up in the morning to my phone's ringtone screeching at an unholy volume. I was a morning person, despite my room's blackout blinds, so naturally, I answered the phone with tangible annoyance and a completely awake, coherent brain.

"Who died?"

Ok, so maybe I wasn't that much of a morning person, but in my defence, it felt like 3 in the morning.

"Atlas? Is this not a good time? Sorry I'll just-" My heartbeat thumped like battle drums in my ears. It had been months since I'd ever heard that voice come out of my phone. Rowan.

(It's been one year since I last saw you)

I shot up in my bed. My blood was already running cold, and there was no way I'd fall asleep after this. It felt like I was halfway through an alien invasion.

"No. Sorry. What's up?"

Jake, who had been sleeping next to me, mumbled a 'shut up' before I nudged him awake with my foot. He gave me a quizzical look before I mouthed 'Rowan' to him. An emotion flickered almost unnoticeably in his eyes, but I'm half sure that it was just my brain. He signalled for me to put the phone on speaker, and so I obliged.

"I have some things that you might want back." My heart dropped down to the floor. All of a sudden, I didn't want Jake hearing this conversation.

I cleared my throat awkwardly, "Um yeah, ok. Would the library at Second Avenue work for you? I can be there in half an hour if that's fine."

Her voice rang out, clear and loud in the silent bubble of my room. "Yeah. See you."

"Yeah."

I sat in silence, thinking. I didn't want to go. I was half tempted to send Jake in my place so he could use an excuse that I tripped down the stairs or choked on my breakfast and died an early, happy death.

"Have fun." He said, tone falling flat before he flopped back onto my bed.

"What's wrong with you?" I asked, narrowing my eyes at his back.

He didn't give me the honour of seeing his pretty face when he finally spoke up. " 'm tired. It's like 7."

I turned my phone's screen on to check the time, and he was shockingly right. My phone read 7:30. I groaned while shifting slightly. I wanted to go back to sleep. Why did I say yes again?

I knew that the time wasn't really why I didn't want to go. I would've had to get up for my morning swim soon anyway. It was more seeing Rowan which was sending alarm bells ringing in my head.

(Do I really wish I still run into you?)

"Can you go with me?" I asked Jake. As personal as this was, and as selfish as I was being, I didn't trust myself to be able to do anything right without him. I'd already spent so long without him being included in my life.

"You don't need to take me if you don't want to. Just enjoy a half-date with her." He replied.

"Please?" I asked, ignoring his attitude.

"I don't wanna." I stayed silent to carefully bide my time. Sure enough, he caved.

"You're an annoying idiot." He grumbled, sitting up and heading to the bathroom without another word.

"Darling, I get it from you." I said, not even trying to smother my laughter.

A string of obscenities flew out from the bathroom, and I grinned. While Jake freshened up, I busied myself with tidying up the bed and the room slightly. Jake came out, walking to my closet and taking out a few of his clothes, before grabbing one of my towels and hopping into the shower.