UNLIKELY MATCH | HEESEUNG

42 - I Died On The Altar

SENA'S POV

A greater woman stays cool. A greater woman walks away with her head held high, doesn't chase after what's not meant to be. But right now, all I want to do is scream. To throw things. To break something beautiful, just to feel the release of shattering something perfect, just like my carefully constructed world has shattered around me.

Walking away from Heeseung felt like torture. It felt like shards of glass tearing through my insides with every step. Tears welled up in my eyes, blurring my vision as I stumbled blindly down the hallway. My carefully constructed world, the one I'd built with Heeseung brick by brick, had crumbled in his hands, leaving nothing but dust and a gaping hole in my chest. The urge to lash out, to scream his name until my throat is raw, threatens to consume me. Was I just a pale imitation, a convenient replacement until his first love reappeared?

When I reach my apartment, Steph is already there, waiting for me with eyes filled with concern and unspoken questions. I called her, crying and barely managing to choke out the words, 'Heeseung... it's over.' She doesn't try to pry or speak, she simply wraps her arms around me and holds me close, letting me sob until the only sound is the ragged gasps for air escaping my lungs. The familiar scent of Steph's lavender shampoo and the gentle rise and fall of her chest ground me at the moment. "I'm sorry, Steph, I'm so sorry," I manage to choke out, the words thick with tears and snot. Steph doesn't flinch at my messy state, just tightens her hold for a moment before gently pulling back. Her eyes, usually sparkling with mischief, are clouded with worry and concern. 

"Hey," She says softly, wiping a stray tear from my cheek with her thumb. "Don't apologize. You have nothing to be sorry for."

Taking a shaky breath, I lean into her touch, the familiar warmth a balm to the raw ache in my chest as we sit on the couch. "He lied," I whisper, the betrayal a fresh wound. "This whole time... maybe none of it was real."

"What?" She frowns, tilting her head to have a better look at me. "What do you mean he lied? Heeseung? About what?" And I recall everything, the words tumbling out in a torrent of hurt and anger. When I finish, a heavy silence hangs in the air, thick with unspoken words and the weight of my heartbreak. Steph doesn't try to fill the void with empty platitudes or hollow reassurances. Instead, she reaches out, her hand gently cupping my face. "You're strong and kind and worthy of a love that's real and true. You deserve so much more than secrets and lies."

She's right. I deserve more than that. But I thought Heeseung was who I wanted. I thought he was the missing piece, the happily-ever-after waiting at the end of a carefully constructed path. Now, the path lies shattered, the future a blurry mess. Tears well up again, blurring Steph's concerned face. "I thought he loved me." I wipe my nose with the back of my hand, the choked sob escaping my lips a testament to the naive belief I'd clung to for so long. "What is it if it's not love when he went to my parents' house and threatened my father that if he ever hurt me again, he'd ruin everything my dad had worked for?" The last sentence tumbles out in a rush and Steph's eyes widen in horror. 

"Why would he threaten your father— wait, Sena, did your father do something to you?" Steph's voice trembles with concern, her hand reaching out to grasp mine in a gesture of comfort. But I pull away, shaking my head vehemently. I forgot I never told her about how my life had been a freaking lie. I forgot I told her that my mother tried to kill me. Shame burns in my throat, hotter than the tears falling down my face. "Sena, what's going on?"

"I," I struggle to find the words to express how fucking scared I am, how the memories claw at me like vengeful ghosts, how I've been living in a nightmare disguised as reality for far too long. "I couldn't tell you but, Steph... my mother is not my real mother. She's a monster," I whisper, the word a harsh rasp escaping my parched throat. "My father had an affair with another woman and I was the mistake. Of course, his wife wanted to erase that mistake and pushed me into the lake when I was young. Of course, I had to die that day but I'm just too fucking stubborn," I finish with a bitter laugh, the humor laced with a tremor of fear.