seven ; walker scobell

chapter thirty two; i should hate you

"i should hate you, i feel stupid, like i almost crashed my car driving home to talk about you." i should hate you ; gracie abrams

I WAS ALWAYS aware that I had a type.

If you looked at my track record, it was a long list of curly haired blonde boys with blue eyes. I made a few exceptions for brunettes along the way.

Because of my unwavering ability to choose similar looking boys over and over again, sometimes, I couldn't help but see a little of them in each other.

When I was on set with Dylan, sometimes I could see a little bit of Walker. Every time he pulled a dumb joke or said something overly sarcastic, I almost announced, 'that's something Walker would say.' I would stop myself after I realised that that may have been strange.

Walking along the foreshore with Walker, leading up to a restaurant over looking the ocean was a similar experience. Was it deja vu? Maybe. But the way he held my hand, his blonde curls waving in the wind as he laughed at his own dirty jokes felt all too familiar.

And suddenly, I felt all too guilty.

Was I supposed to be having these thoughts? I had no idea. It felt wrong. I knew that I only wanted to be here with Walker - whether Dylan slipped through my mind on the occasion when I looked at him was irrelevant.

It was Walker. It would always be Walker.

That didn't mean that Dylan didn't have a spot in my heart, too.

I could never voice that out loud, of course. whether it was morally wrong or not had nothing to do with it, Walker would most likely tear the world apart out of pure jealously.

But the more I worked alongside Dylan, the more I realised how much I missed him. Not our relationship, but our friendship. Sunny would remind me over and over again that I should hate him, after what he did.

And I would remind her that it wasn't entirely his fault.

"What are you thinking about, pretty girl?" Walker smiled softly, looking down on me as our arms swung in between us. My chest burned, feeling the warmth of the golden locket that hung around my neck.

Was it wrong that a pendant of emerald and a chain of ruby hung there as well?

"Nothing." I exhaled, grinning away the indecision. I lifted my hand to the jewels discreetly, recollecting the memories they both held.

One had been given to me by Charlie. A sweet gift, no strange intentions. The other... well, Dylan had given me for my birthday.

It wasn't cheating. But keeping the memories sure fucking felt like it.

"Tell me what's going on in your mind." He urged, holding his jumper tight around me as we neared the restaurant.

I sighed, gaining the confidence to speak. I couldn't be honest with him. I wasn't looking for a fight; not right now. I wanted to enjoy our day, before we had to get down to the bad stuff.

Like why the fuck I was feeling so bad over things I'd never even done.

"I just... I love you." I beamed, kissing him on the cheek. Walker sceptically frowned at me before cracking a smirk.

"I love you too, Wise Girl." He whispered, squeezing my hand three times, simultaneously.

Trying the rid the awful thoughts from my head, I remained close to Walkers side as we approached the building.

We entered, sat at our reserved table, and talked.

We talked about everything. Stupid things, like the best ice-cream flavour and the olive theory (I hate them, he loves them). One thing I adored about the boy was the fact that I could discuss anything with him. He wasn't just my boyfriend, he was my best friend. There was no judgement or hesitation between us. He was my safe space, my home.