Draco's Hufflepuff | Diminishing

Six: Insanity

**

Monday, 5th January, 1998

It was safe to say the start of this year was a million world's away from the start of last year. Everything about my memories of the best time of my life was now tarnished, and I couldn't help but feel angry at the world because of it.

It didn't even feel like it had been our Christmas break. None of us were allowed home, so we were all stuck here. There was nothing of the usual festive joy or excitement. We all just kept to our common rooms, where we were safe, and left alone.

On Christmas Day, I spent the entire day in tears, because I was just comparing it to last year, and how spectacularly and disgustingly perfect it was. At our sorry excuse for a Christmas feast, I looked over at Draco, and he was definitely looking over at me too.

I'd never wanted to escape out of my own skin more than that day. I must have been a nightmare to be around.

New Year's Eve was just as bad, again, because all I could think about was the ball I attended with Draco. Of course, now I know what his parent's had planned for just after, it made me look back it a little differently, but it was still the most magical evening.

On New Year's Eve night, we stole a few bottles of Firewhiskey from the kitchens, which the house elves usually used for the fruit cake, and we all got a little drunk. We didn't even speak much, just sat, and drank. My eyes kept wandering over to Megan and Ernie, who were in each other's arms.

I didn't want to be bitter about them still being together because it wasn't their fault my life had gone to absolute shit, nor was it fair of me to deprive them of the love I desperately wished I had.

Leanne was unhappy as well because she wanted to be with Luke. He couldn't even send her an owl to wish her a Merry Christmas, because any mail had been banned. If we were given special permission to send out a letter, it had to be monitored and proof-read by one of the Carrows of all people.

I had to really suppress a scoff and an eye roll when she was telling us about how much she missed Luke, and Merlin, that made me feel like such a nasty bitch.

I wanted to turn around and say something, but I didn't, instead, I drank some Firewhiskey and kept my mouth shut. How could she sit there and complain about not being with Luke? It kind of felt like she was rubbing it in my face.

Whether I was just imagining it or not, I wasn't sure, but when she spoke about Luke, I could have sworn she was looking in my direction more, with a satisfied look in her eyes.

I tipped the bottle of Firewhiskey back and as the borderline unpleasant liquid travelled down my throat, I blinked back the tears that were wanting to escape. I wanted to be a good friend, but I wasn't anymore. I wasn't a good anything now.

The only good thing about my Christmas Day and New Year's Day, was that Blaise went out of his way to wish me a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year's. It was pathetic, but it was the one tiny piece of my old life I could cling on to.

That was weird to think – how things could be so different in just the space of twelve months. It was as though I had lived a million lifetimes in just the span of eighteen years.

At the centre of everything was Draco. Everything good, heartbreaking, messy, beautiful, and all-consuming. It was all about him and it was all because of him.

He was doing a very good job at ignoring me as well. Each day that passed, I would wake up, and hope he would finally give in and talk to me, but each night, I went to bed, disappointed and sad that he didn't.