Draco's Hufflepuff | Diminishing

Seven: Dumbledore's Army

A/N: There is implied suicidal ideation in this chapter – it's nothing graphic or detailed, but I thought I'd still mention it in case that's a tricky subject to read about. And please make sure to read the second author's note at the end :)

**

Sunday, 11th January, 1998

For the fifth time this week, all my friends had mysteriously disappeared, and it was starting to kind of piss me off a bit. If they didn't want to be with me for a few hours, I wished they would just tell me, instead of sneaking away.

I had a book sprawled in my lap and I had read the same sentence about thirty times, because I couldn't concentrate on anything. I kept it there, however, because I didn't want to attract any unnecessary attention.

Ever since my birthday, I hadn't seen Draco once. Whilst that didn't stop me thinking of him at any moment of the day, it certainly helped my moods. I never thought that would be the case. Draco usually lifted me and made the world a brighter place to be in, but that just wasn't true anymore.

Maybe my rose-tinted glasses had begun to slip off the bridge of my nose bit-by-bit, because it was getting easier to point out of his flaws than I could before. That didn't stop me from loving him, of course, because I've always wanted him, despite his faults.

I just wanted to slap his face sometimes to make him see sense. I wanted to grab him by his shirt and shake him. At the same time, I wanted to kiss him stupid and get lost in him.

As I glanced around the common room, it dawned on me how terribly alone I was in the world. I always thought I had a solid group of people by my side, but maybe I had been so insufferable, I had pushed everyone away. I couldn't blame them whatsoever for not wanting to know me, I really couldn't.

It was my own doing, I knew that. I just wanted things to be better. I wanted to be better.

**

"Han, wait there for a minute!" I called out.

It was just after lunch, and they were all getting ready to leave once again. The curiosity had gotten the better of me and truth be told, I wanted to get some answers out of someone. I knew Hannah of all people would be the one to tell me the truth.

She whispered something to Susan, who just nodded her head as they both looked over at me. I tried to ignore the thumping sensation in my chest, but it hard to.

"Yeah? What is it, babe?" Hannah asked, a little too excitedly, like she was hiding something from me,

"What's going on?" I asked, tucking a piece of hair behind my ear,

"What do you mean? Nothing is going on," Hannah chuckled nervously.

She could barely look me in the eye, and she was bouncing on her feet, as though she was eager to get away from me.

"Do you all hate me that much? That you can't stand to be in the same room as me? I am trying, you know I am," I said through shaky breath, my voice quiet and dejected,

"No! Oh Merlin, no!" Hannah exclaimed, looking genuinely aghast, "I'm not supposed to tell you," she added, glancing over her shoulder,

"What aren't you supposed to tell me? Is it something about me? About Malfoy?" I pinched my eyebrows.

Calling him Malfoy out loud instead of Draco still felt too weird to me, and it wasn't getting any easier. I knew the first few times, it had even surprised those around me, but they were kind enough not to mention anything.