Absolute Contamination

15/ Lie To Me

 CHAPTER 15: LIE TO ME

 Silence, that’s the only thing I heard as I waited for Christophe to say something. He didn’t move, I didn’t move and neither one of us seemed to feel very comfortable staring at the other. I could only assume the amounts of anger and disgust he felt towards me, whereas I was truly horrified by the thought of getting yelled at. Other than him and Emily, there was no one else left and I couldn’t bear the thought of either one of them turning their back on me. But, even I knew that wishing such a thing was like hoping for there to be snow in the midst of summer – something that wasn’t going to happen anytime soon.

Feeling too ashamed to do as much as look at Christophe, I fiddled with a small stone I had found on the ground next to me. I twirled it around and around in my hands, inspecting all sides of it while I waited for Christophe to start yelling. It was bound to happen anytime soon, only a matter of minutes. So I waited, and he waited, too - for what, I did not now. Everyone was waiting for something, but nothing seemed to happen at all. It was as though we were all stuck in this scene, as if someone had pressed the pause button. But, unlike what happened in a movie when you paused it, time didn't stop for us.

Time passed by, that much was obvious when people kept walking by, every single one of them on their way towards the Safe Zone. People who hadn’t been infected - unlike me. People, unlike Christophe, who didn’t have to deal with anyone contaminated. Everyone seemed to move on, except for us.

No longer able to fake interest in the stone, I lifted my gaze, but still I made sure not to make eye contact with Christophe. As much as I expected him to yell at me for being the stupid, reckless girl that I was, I also didn’t want to hear any of it. There was no need for anyone to reproach me even more.

In an attempt to avoid eye contact with Christophe, I glanced over his shoulder and noticed Emily; she was sitting down not so far away from us.

“Is that...” I wondered out loud. I squinted my eyes as I tried to verify what I thought I had seen. “Is that my mp3-player?”

“I found it in your backpack last night and just now I thought it would be better if Emily didn’t hear every single word we said.” Christophe spoke while looking over his shoulder as well. After a small pause, he continued and wiped his forehead clean with a sigh. “Never have I been this right before.”

“I’m sorry,” I apologized. “I’m so terribly sorry.”

It wasn’t just for keeping the results of my test a secret that I apologized. No. It was for being contaminated as well.  I apologized for putting Christophe in a horrible position. I could only begin to imagine how hard all of it had to be on him. Then again, we had only met the day before…

After what felt like hours of complete silence, silence filled with shock, remorse, desperation and feelings of utter helplessness, Christophe finally seemed to have found his voice again.

“Can we…” he spoke, and he didn’t sound any better than he looked. “Can we just walk, please?”

I was glad he finally said something, but it was definitely not a pleasant request he had voiced.

“Sure, of course.” I nodded in understanding. I couldn’t blame him for doing the right thing, for doing what I should’ve done in the first place: walk away. “I hope you and Emily make it to the Safe Zone soon.”

Not sure what I would do next, I watched Christophe as he got up. He still had that confused and sad expression on his face, and I resented myself for being the one responsible for putting it there.

This is it, I thought to myself. This is goodbye.

Personally, I didn’t feel like making a big scene out of it, instead I just stared at Christophe, creating a mental picture of him so I would remember him - every part of him, for as long as I could. The worn look on his face didn’t suit him, but the stubble on his cheeks definitely did. It made him look just that bit more grown up. He looked like a great guy, and during the past two days, I had been able to find out that, for a fact, he truly was a great guy. It pained me that, once again, I had wasted so much time by being the stubborn person that I was. All that time that I would never get back. This time I wasn’t going to get any second chances. Thanks to the Hemsk-Tod disease, I only had had one chance to get to know Christophe and instead of making the most of it, I had blown that chance by not trusting him. If only I would’ve had the time and opportunity to do it all over again, to treat him properly like he deserved to be treated. He was a good guy, and thanks to my selfish stubbornness it had taken me this long to realize that.