Diary ni Ashlee

Entry # 4. In my vocabulary, this is a date

Junuary 20, 1999

Right, I kinda forgot you exist, journal. It has been a long time. I thought I had lost you. I re-read the things I have written from the past and I was quite surprised when I saw that I had written more things about Reed than about me.

Maybe I am than in love with him...

Anyway, before this turned out to be another self-pitiful entry about how much I am hurting because Reed is in love with Anca and not with me, let me tell you something about myself.

My name is Elizabeth Ashlee Gonzales, a fine arts student at the University of the Philippines, and yes, you guessed it right, I am intelligent, pero nagiging tanga lang ako talaga pagdating kay Reed.

No one in my circle knows how much I long for Reed to look at me like the way he looks at Anca. It's so hard to be around the two of them. Minsan, I wanna forget that Anca is one of my friends and I just wanna bitch out on her. Nakakaselos kasi.

On the other hand, I wanna slap Reed's face for not noticing me. I wanna yell at him and say na ako naman ang una niyang nakilala, why'd he fell for Anca?

Siguro ganoon talaga, sometimes I just wanna grab Reed and kiss him. Pero hindi ko pwedeng gawin iyon. That would freak everyone out.

Right now, Reed and I have this hate and hate relationship. He hates my guts (unfortunately), while I hate him for hurting me but at the same time, love ko din siya.

I've been in love before – to Ike – Isaac Xander Escaler – He was my first boyfriend, first love and also my first heartache. Pero wala pa rin yatang mas sasakit pa sa nararamdaman ko ngayon para kay Reed. Tama nga yata iyong sinabi noon ng kaibigan ng Ate ko, iyong pagmamahal na hindi ibinabalik ang pinakamasakit na klase ng pag-ibig.

Unrequited love, iyon ang tawag doon.

At iyon ang meron ako kay Reed.

Unrequited love na nga, nasa hate zone pa, how could this get any better?

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"So the paintings, when will it arrive?"

I was having a meeting with Mr. Nakamura – my Japanese client that afternoon. He was a kind man and he reminds me so much of my dad whom I'm missing a lot because he lives in Cebu and I haven't seen him for the longest time.

"Next Friday, Sir." I smiled at him. Then I showed him my I-pad. –Sir, in here, you can see some of the Libertad paintings we have."

"No, no", he waved his hand. "I want the first painting you showed me last week. It's more vibrant and colorful than those."

"I see..." I shrugged. "Then I guess we have a deal, Mr. Nakamura?" I smiled sweetly. Mr. Nakamura nodded then he took my hand to shake it.

"I'll see you next, Friday, Ashlee." After saying that, he turned away. Napangiti naman ako. I never thought I'll close that deal with Mr. Nakamura. I didn't expect that he would like the paintings I offered him at our first meeting. Mr. Nakamura is very passionate about his art and as an artist/art enthusiast/ artist hunter – I am very pleased to have worked for him.

"Boss..." I heard a knock on the door. I was in my office re-reading the contract Mr. Nakamura just signed and Anne – my secretary knocked. I looked at her. "Someone good looking wanted to see you."