Diary ni Ashlee

Entry # 10. Choices

Three months later... 

"I'll be gone for a week." 

I pouted my lips when I heard John said those words. Nag-puppy dog eyes pa ako sa kanya. We were at his apartment and I was helping him pack. I made a sad face, tapos he smiled at me, then he pulled my by the hand and made me sit on his lap. 

"Baby... It's just one week." He said to me. 

"Mami-miss kita eh..." I made a face again. He laughed at me then he kissed my temple. I sighed. John is such a good man. He is really the perfect boyfriend every girl had evry dream of. I wrapped my arms around his neck and rested my head on his chest. Totoo kasi talaga, mami-miss ko si John - kahit na one week lang siyang mawawala, mami-miss ko pa rin niya. 

I am really thankful na kahit na nalaman niya na hindi ako - we'll - that I had given myself to another man, hindi sisya nagbago - he was still the same John - I met and the John who loves me. Caring pa rin siya, sweet, at mula noong sinabi niya sa akin na mahal niya ako, lagi na niyang sinasabi iyon, tulad ngayon. 

"I love you, Ashlee..." He whispered. I looked at him and smiled. I bent forward to kiss his lips and he kissed me back. Kissing John had always been a pleasure for me, parang sa ganoon ko kasi naipapakita sa kanya na mahal ko siya... 

Oo, mahal ko na si John. 

Nitong mga nakaraang araw, naisip ko na mahal ko na siya. He had won my heart - we'll hindi naman mahirap, he was always there for me. That night when Reed made me feel like a slut - I realized that I never wanted to feel like that again. Mula nang gabing iyon ay sinimulan ko na siyang kalimutan. Hindi naging madali, and I know I made John feel like he was the rebound and I am very very sorry for that, but I got on. I never saw Reed after that - and frankly, I don't care anymore. I mean I used to care pero hindi na... Pwede ko nang sabihin na hindi ko na siy mahal, at lahat ng ginawa ko na kasama siya ay pinagsisishan ko - alam kong huli na pero hindi ko naman na iyon mababawi, si Reed, parte na lang siya ng nakaraan, si Reed, parte ng kahapon, isang panagini na matagal na nakakulong sa aking mundo pero ngayon, kaya ko na siyang pakawalan, napakawalan ko na siya, hindi man ganoon kadali pero nagawa ko. 

I sighed and I touched John's face. I kissed his cheeks tapos nag-sigh siya. 

"Bakit?" Tanong ko. 

"Parang ayoko na munang umuwi sa Santorini."

"Bakit naman?" I kissed his cheeks again. He groaned, then to my surprise, bigla niya akong binuhat. "Ay! John!" I reacted. 

"Alam ko na!' He said. To my surprise, he out me inside his suitcase. "See, babydoll, you fit in there, I'll close this up and then we'll go to Santorini." Nakatawang sabi niya. 

"Hmmn... Baby, wag ka na muna kayang umalis..." Umupo siya sa tabi ng suitcase at saka hinaplos ang buhok ko. I was still inside. 

"Gusto ko nga eh.. I don't wanna be far away from you..." 

"Ang sarap naman noon..." bulong ko. He laughed. 

"Bakit, sa tingin mo ba papakawalan pa kita? I really think you're my match." 

My heart melted again. Bakit ba napakadali para sa kanya ang gawin iyon? Masaya talaga ako, masaya ako dahil malaya na aka. Between good - John and evil - Reed - I knew that I had chosen the good one - the right one. I really wanna tell him I am in love with him pero I was still waiting for the right moment. 

And I think, this is the right moment... 

"John..." I called his name. 

"Yes, baby?"