Forgetting Charlotte

Coming to a realization

Chapter Six: coming to a realization

"THE BASTARD!" 

"Jolene, really..." 

"The bastard! I'll kill him!"  

"Jolene, I can't take this right now..." 

"Bastard, bastard, bastard!" 

"JOLENE!" I yelled at my hot blooded friend as she paced the floor in the emergency room. After I fainted the nurse decided that maybe I needed Jolene after all. But after the doctor had let her in on the reason I had fainted she seemed ready to kill. The problem was that I didn't even know how I felt yet so while I appreciated Jolene's indignation on my part, I really didn't have the same level of emotion. 

"Charlotte, look at me." Jolene was kneeling down so that we were at eye level. "Charlie, did he know, you know, before he abandoned you?" I knew Jolene's emotions were high so I forgave the choice of words but the description made me wince, more so because Jolene had seen me in my worst state.  

"Jolene, if I didn't know how could he have?" I searched my memories of him and convinced myself had he known he would have never have left like that, he was not that type of man. "Besides," I sighed "It doesn't just take one Jolene. This is a two man project remember?" The look I had must have convinced Jolene that anger was not my primary emotion at the time. It felt as if the baby steps I was taking to regain my life seemed to revert and suddenly I was crawling again. 

"Humph!" she crossed her arms and turned around to face the green wrap around curtain "Still a bastard" I heard her say under her breath. I loved my friends' devotion but right at that moment my mind was whirling.  

Pregnant? The doctor's words had hit me like a brick. I had just recognized that he and I were over. That the man I had just months ago promised to devote my life to had left me without a word, without a fight, without an appeal. And now I was pregnant with his child. It suddenly felt as if my head had exploded. All the emotions I had been working through since he left seemed to be attacking me all at once and I felt sick to my stomach. 

"Jolene, Jolene" I motioned at her while trying to get her attention frantically "Jolene can you grab that trash can?" 

"Oh, yeah. Right." She snatched up the trash can and held her arms out straight to hand it to me. "Now where did that bloody doctor go?"  

As if summoned the doctor reappeared, "Ms. Boyd, you are free to go. Here are some pamphlets on what to expect in the coming months" he handed me a booklet, "I suggest buying some pre natal pills and as for the nausea," he glanced at the trash can I was cradling in my arms. "I suggest not eating anything you wouldn't appreciate seeing later." And with this quirky comment he left. Jolene smirked at the doctor leaving. 

"I wasn't too keen on him when he originally talked to me but I do believe he's growing on me. Plus he's cute" Jolene picked me up by my arm and helped me out of the hospital gown and back into my clothes. She pulled back the curtains and grabbed me under my arm to lead me out the door when she stopped and looked back at me. "Oh, and bring the bag, in case you know."  

It was midnight when we got back to my apartment. Jolene had let me ride the way home in silence but I sensed her about to burst with an overwhelming need to speak. She guided me inside and I headed straight to the shower. I scrubbed several times attempting to clean the confusion off me but when I finally emerged the steam had filled my whole bedroom as thick as the thoughts in my head. I still felt like vomiting but my exhaustion only allowed me to take a face plant on my bed. I was about to curl under the blankets and attempt to forget the day when I heard someone clearing their throat, loud. 

"Ahem.... Charlie?" Jolene placed her hand on my head, "What are you going to do?" 

"About what?" 

"You know what Charlotte Boyd!" Jolene voice took on a note of irritation despite her best efforts to just sound nosy. 

"No I don't Jolene Berrycloth." I impersonated her judgmental tone as I turned and faced away from her. 

"What are you going to do about the pregnancy Charlie?"  

"Right now the only thing I'm going to do is sleep." I mumbled, burying my face in my pillow. 

"Charlie, you have to tell him." Jolene's voice had dropped to a whisper with this statement. 

"Tell him?" I rolled back over and looked at Jolene sitting cross legged next to me on the bed. Her emerald eyes were half closed in sympathy and her hair was tossed to the side of her cocked head and was brushing my comforter with its tips. She flinched when I had turned but kept her hand on my head. "Tell him?" I repeated in a whisper. Of all the thoughts in my head since I had learned that had not been one of them, and for the life of me I could not figure out why. 

"I know it will be hard Charlie, but he has a right to know." Jolene began stroking my hair as if she was soothing a pet. 

"Tell him." I repeated more to myself. Why had I not thought of that? Did his leaving remove him that much from my reality? It was as if the doctor had informed me and I had taken it as a widow. I had thought of my life changing, of how he had left me now changed forever. I thought of how we had talked about starting a family together. How he had even included that in his proposal 'I see my past, my future, and my now in your eyes and held in your heart' he had said as he slipped the now forgotten princess cut diamond on my finger. I had thought of how just 4 weeks after, one month later, I had come home to an empty home, empty of the love he had promised to share with me forever. To share when we started a family, a family I now faced on my own. But not once as I played my memories in my mind did I think about the fact that I would need to find him, seek him out after he fled from me, and tell him I was pregnant with his child.  

"Charlie?" I had forgotten Jolene for a moment. She stared at me with the same concern I held for myself at the moment. 

"Yes, I agree. We'll have to find him, and tell him." I rolled back over determined to fall asleep. "Wherever he may be." I said determined to face my fear in the morning.