Loving Luke | muke [c]

Nine

Luke always hated getting sick. Getting Luke to go to the doctors was one of the most stressful things Mrs. Hemmings had to go through, and I knew so because it wasn't unusual for Mrs. Hemmings to knock at our door every once in a while looking stressed out of her mind and begging Mum to help her get Luke to get in the car to go to the doctors. It didn't matter what they told him, if he was told they were going for ice cream or going to the movies; Luke always knew. He'd cry and scream and shut himself in the bathroom until Mum took me over there to try to talk to him. I had always been the responsible one between the two of us.

I'd knock on the door, softly announcing it was Michael at the door and not Luke's mum. It would take him a while, but eventually he'd open it up and sniffle, saying his mother wanted to take him to the bad guy that would poke him and touch him and pin him with needles. He's confide in me that he was scared, that he didn't want the man in white to take him away or hurt him. It was then my job to make sure Luke knew that the man in white was there to help, that he'd help Luke stay healthy and happy. It had all been rehearsed earlier at home with my own Mum, but I really did mean it when I told him I wanted him to go to the doctor so he felt good enough to go out and play. And every time, Luke would trust me. He would come out of the bathroom shyly, saying sorry to his mother for throwing a fit and then hesitantly follow her to the car.

Things seemed to have gone back fifteen years as Luke stood by the front door of his mother's house, hand gripping onto the doorknob as tight as Luke possibly could. He bit down on his lower lip, furiously shaking his head as I turned around to look at him. I could see the fear in his eyes, I could tell he was back where he was when he was seven: terrified of the man in white. This time, I didn't blame him.

"Luke, come on." I murmured softly, gesturing with my head towards my i30. "We're going to be late."

He shook his head again, eyes flickering to my car as he avoided my gaze. "I can't, Mike. I can't do it."

"Yes, you can." I whispered, walking towards him and gently placing my hand on his shoulder. "You'll be okay, I promise you. No matter what the results are, you'll be fine."

"I have HIV, Michael." He said flatly. "I know I do. Can we just not go?"

"No, we can't." I sighed, softly taking Luke's hand in mine as I pulled him forwards. He took a step out of the house, stopping again and pulling me back. "Luke, you need to hear from the doctor. If you are positive, you'll need your CD4 Count and we'll need to figure out your treatment plan. The doctor's going to help you, help us, figure out how to live with this thing. I promise you, going to the doctor will bring you less harm than if you just don't go."

"I don't want to know."

"I do." I said after a short silence. "Please do it for me."

It took Luke a few seconds of biting on his lower lip, looking up at the sky, down at his shoes, back at my car and then at me before he hesitantly nodded. "Okay." He sighed. "For you."

I smiled widely at him, throwing my car keys in the air before grabbing them again and walking towards the car. Luke followed behind me, crossing his arms over his chest as he fought back a smile. I knew he liked seeing me happy. It was the only thing that comforted me in my whole situation with Luke. He liked to see me happy. He would never purposely hurt me. If Luke only knew how much pain he actually brought me, he would most likely hate himself. I made sure he didn't know about it for that exact reason.

"If we're doing this," Luke cleared his throat, fishing my phone from my front pocket and unlocking it quickly. "I get to pick the music."

"What difference does it make?" I laughed as I pulled out of the driveway. "We like the same bands."

"The difference that I get the satisfaction of being in charge, duh." Luke shrugged, sinking further into his seat and putting his feet up on the dashboard. That took me straight back to when I first got my licence, to the many drives Luke and I took down the coast at night for a drive thru an a meal overlooking the ocean. If only Luke knew how much I longed for that to be cute little dates instead of just two friends who hadn't eaten in hours.

"Don't sit like that." I clicked my tongue as I swatted at him, keeping my eyes on the road. "It's dangerous."

"Remember when you weren't so uptight about things?" Luke looked at me with a playful smile. "When you let me sit however I wanted instead of bitching at me about it?"

"Stop." I rolled my eyes. "Sit properly and we can get some drive thru after your doctor's appointment."

"You sound like my mother." Luke snorted, finally listening to me and sitting up straight. "But okay, I could use some food later."

I chuckled lightly, deciding to simply let the sound of Green Day fill the car as we drove down the freeway into the city. It was a rather long drive, forty minutes of absolute silence between my best friend and I, but the silence didn't even bother us anymore. Or, if I was being a hundred percent honest, it didn't bother Luke. In my case, it just made me think of five years ago, when we were as close as ever and talking non stop. We could be together for an entire week and still have things to talk about. Now, it would come and go. It felt like our friendship was slowly starting to fall apart. Surely, being five years apart and barely talking to each other would mean we'd have plenty to talk about. We'd have more to talk about than we ever had. But we never did. We just sat in silence, engulfed by our own thoughts.

"You didn't take a right." Luke spoke softly, turning towards me.

"What?" I whispered, shaking my head slightly.

"You forgot to turn right to go into the city."

"Oh." I cleared my throat slightly, looking down at my lap before redirecting my attention to the road. "Sorry. I'll take the next one."

Luke nodded, looking out as cars zoomed past us. It didn't take long before we were parking outside the hospital. The blond walked alongside me, and I could see his hand reach out to grab mine, but instead, he let it fall to his side as he sighed. He was fidgety on the entire ride up the elevator, playing with the zipper on his jacket and his nails. Eyes flickered from the wall, to the mirror, to his shoes, to me and then back to his shoes.

"Calm down." I told him as he walked down the corridor. "Breathe. I'm right here."

We took a seat, waiting for Luke's doctor to come out.. When he did, I could see Luke turn to stone, eyes wide as he looked at me desperately. I gave him a sad smile, holding his hand as I pulled him up from his seat. I could feel everyone in the waiting room turning around to look at us, but Luke seemed to take no notice of how he wasn't budging. He was stuck in his spot, vigorously shaking his head at me and trying to get me to let go of his hand.

"Luke, please." I whispered, taking a step closer to him so we were merely centimetres apart. "You need to do this."

"I need Ale." He said after a long silence, causing my chest to cave in. I looked away from him, licking my lips and closing my eyes so that Luke couldn't see just how hard that had hit me.

"Well he's not here." I said sharply. "I'm sorry I'm not enough, but I'm what you have right now."

"I'm sorry." Luke blurted out, grabbing onto my hand before I could walk away. He shot his eyebrows up, mouth hanging open before he shook his head. "I didn't mean that. Please stay."

"I'm not leaving." I sighed heavily. "But let's just do this, okay? Let's hear what the doctor has to say."

"Mike?" Luke whispered, looking down at his shoes. "You'll always be enough."

~~~

i dont feel too good but here u go