Falling Too Far

Chapter 46- You're weak.

TRIGGER WARNING

Dedicated to: account12312

RECAP ON LAST CHAPTER: There was a sparring competition within Noelle's gym class, and Noelle beat everyone, including Harper in the finals. Two weeks later, Joshua asks Noelle to help him with some homework and they go to his house, where Joshua tries to take advantage of her. Distraught, Noelle rushes home. Harper shows up later in the night, drunk, and proceeds to tell Noelle how much he misses her, then falls asleep on her couch. And that's what you missed on GLEE!

When I woke up the next morning, a Saturday, thank god, the first thing I did was rush downstairs to check if Harper was still there. Instead of his sleeping body lying on the sofa, I was greeted by the blanket I had lent to him neatly folded on the sofa, with the pillow lying on top.

Oh.

I sighed and flopped down on the sofa. I don't know what I had expected. I just knew that it would have been so awkward of he was here, and if he did remember what had happened last night. I huffed and pulled the pillow to my chest, his faint lemongrass scent running through the fabric. My heart ached and I pulled it even closer, remembering him hugging me the night before. Never had a boy's touch effected me that much. Except Joshua. His touch effected me in away that repulsed me.

That mundane. That freaking muggle. How could he? For once I thought that a boy actually liked me, in all my seventeen years of existence, there would actually be a boy who somewhat had a crush on me. That wasn't true, though- that idiot was just using me for sex. But stupid me thought that someone could actually like me. I scoffed and rolled my eyes at myself, not letting any tears fall.

Stupid me.

I sat there in the vast silence of my house, feeling completely and utterly alone, missing Harper even more than if he hadn't showed up at my house last night. I buried my face into the pillow. I wanted to call Emma to tell her what had happened- with Joshua, with Amanda and Bethany, with Harper- after all, I hadn't spoken to her in a long time- but I didn't want to disturb. There was this strange feeling that talking to her about all my problems- my issues in my messed up life- would burden her with worries. I didn't want to make anything harder for her than it already was.

I sighed into the pillow, holding back a sob.

Everything is so messed up.

Not a single thing is going right for me.

I am imperfect, and body is horrible.

I'm in an argument with my mom.

I can't speak to my friends about my issues.

I still have a few college applications to send in, with no time to work on them at all.

The guy I love doesn't return feelings, and is dating a girl who despises me.

My boyfriend tried to sexually harass me and almost got away with it.

The whole school hates me and bullies me and thinks I'm weak.

That's because you are weak.

I gulped down a sob.

You're weak.

You're weak.

You're weak.

Before my thoughts could continue to consume me anymore, my phone rang violently, shattering my trance. I shook my head quickly, sniffing, before picking up the phone.