On The Run

Chapter Forty-Eight - "I Do. Do I?"

Sarah

I couldn’t sleep. I had too many thoughts in my head. Maybe that’s also because I didn’t really try.

I tossed and turned for hours, or what I thought were hours, but what were only dreadfully long minutes. When I finally saw the sun peeking out from beneath the clouds, I almost cried out in exasperation.

When I remembered that the wedding wasn’t until the evening, I could have screamed.

Which I did. Into my pillow.

No one would start getting dressed until much later, which meant there was no reason to get up at the crack of dawn. No reason at all.

Most of all, what was getting to me was that it was New Year’s Eve. I don’t know why particularly, but that put a discolored tinge on the day and on my mood.

I was trying to veer my mind from the elephant in the room. Far off. My best friend was in love with me, and if I was being completely honest, it wasn’t one-sided. But there was no way I could ever say it back. See, the way I saw it, I was a closed book – bound so tight, and I was ripping at the seams. Every once in a while, a page would slip out, but whichever way you looked at it, I was still shut. Mostly by choice, really. Jake didn’t deserve to be burdened with my grim closet skeletons, and I wasn’t quite sure I deserved to love him.

“It’s about being with somebody not because of anything but the simple fact that you’d rather not be without them. It’s about completely giving in and opening yourself up, without a care in the world. It’s about a trust like no other; you would never have any doubts about loyalty because, love and disloyalty do not mix. If they do, then it isn’t love.”

His words stuck with me. And I knew he was right, so I couldn’t say it back. I mean, how far apart are disloyalty and dishonesty? Really.

There was a knock at my door and I sat up, thankful for the distraction. I murmured, “Come in,” hoping and praying it was Jake. But at the back of my mind, I knew it wouldn’t be him.

Samantha poked her head in. “Hey. I’m sorry, did I wake you?” she asked.

“Hi,” I said, getting up. I smiled a half-smile, “Not at all. What’s up?”

“A bunch of us are going over to help set up the reception hall. Would you like to come? I wouldn’t bother you, it’s just we’re short on helping hands. A few of the bridesmaids are hung over, and the guys opted to have a mini bachelor party at Marcus’s. They all went over last night, and they’re not back yet.”

“Oh. I don’t mind. I’ll just get changed.”

She grinned, “Thanks.”

I shrugged, “It’s no problem.”

She stepped out and as I heard the sound of her footsteps recede, I climbed out of the bed and pulled on the first set of clothes I could find.

*

I put another place card in front of a plate setting, “Angela Cornish” and looked back at the seating chart. I liked that this was the role I was given, as it required concentration and allowed my mind not to veer off into varied places.

Samantha was helping out, and every once in a while she’d make small talk, about the decorations, about the color combinations, about the time, about the weather, when I knew all she wanted to talk about was her brother. More specifically, her brother and me.

At some point, she gave in and said, “Jake promised he’d help. Guys.”

I smiled politely in response, having nothing to say.