Best Friends Don't Sleep Together - A.H. Series #1

Chapter 38

5 years later

As I looked at my reflection in the mirror, for a moment I felt like time stood still. They say your 20s go by in an instant, so you better make them most of them. I hope I did. The second half, at least. The first one was very much wasted in naïve delusions of a lovesick heart.

Taking a deep breath, I dried my face with a towel, and forced out a smile. "Happy 30th birthday, Vivian." I muttered to myself. Or should I say happy 5th birthday? Five years since I left everything behind and worked hard to become my own person. No more Chris bossing me around, no more Sebastian lurking, no more being subtly pushed into this or that decision by anyone except my own self.

Five years should be a long time, but it's really nothing when you come out of the mist. I wouldn't call it rebirth, rather ... a reawakening. It's like I had been sleeping for most of my life and it took something so heartbreakingly devastating to wake me up from that slumber of naivety into the light of reality.

Even though there have been times when memories would creep upon me, in an effort to take over my mind with their sadness and guilt, amid those shadows I found strength in unexpected places. I discovered new passions, new dreams and hopes – all within my reach. Amazingly, you find the unexpected when you stop hindering your own self.

This is why now, as I looked at myself on this special day – a day marked by milestones rather than years –, oddly enough, only one thought crossed my mind: joy. As my smile slowly grew bigger, turning into a grin, suddenly time seemed irrelevant. Turning 30 is supposed to be some sort of angsty deadline, some kind of inescapable final exam that you either pass or you don't. Either you have everything figured out, or you failed and there's no chance for a do-over.

For me, it wasn't like that. After everything I went through, societal expectations seemed nothing but illusions. If life was a straightforward path, by now I'd be living in some cozy suburban home, married to the love of my life, watching our children grow. If life made sense, an innocent baby wouldn't have fallen victim of his mother's folly.

I'm not sure what's crazier, really. Believing that your best friend systematically sabotages all your relationships out of pure protectiveness and not toxic manipulation, or actually thinking that you can separate the charming man that claims to love you from the murderous drug lord that has definitely killed people in cold blood.

I don't regret running away. I could have become another Lola, forfeiting myself in the name of love – in both men's cases. The one true part about that insane drama was that we were actually alike, Lola and I. We both believed love conquers all. It doesn't. Never has, never will. What I learned from her, from her selfless yet utterly futile sacrifice, more than just to run from dangerously attractive men, is that we've been taught wrong.

We grow up being told that romantic love is the ultimate goal, the answer to everything, the holy grail of happiness, the final score on an endless chart. So, when we become adults and we realize it's not, we find ourselves lost in a world we don't recognize. If loving someone was supposed to give me all I ever needed, then how come I felt much freer when I got rid of all those misplaced feelings?

"You okay?" I woke from my reverie when a pair of arms slipped around me and soft lips kissed my shoulder.

I inevitably stiffened. "Of course." I nodded, pulling away, then grabbed my toothbrush. "I gotta get to work." At least that part was true, my boss is a stickler for punctuality. I guess I couldn't fault him, when your entire workday is based on Mother Nature's moods, you learn to exploit every single minute of daylight you have.

"Me too, we can carpool." Carpool where? To the lobby? Considering that's where my boss should be waiting for me. The last thing I need is for him to see me get out of the elevator with a random blonde.