Just Let It Go {Superntural oneshots}

SAIL

"This is how I show my love. I made it in my mind because I blame it on my A.D.D. baby. This is how an angel cries. I blame it on my own sick pride. Blame it on my A.D.D. baby. Sail! Maybe I should cry for help. Maybe I should kill myself. Blame it on my A.D.D. baby. Maybe I'm a different breed. Maybe I'm not listening. So blame it on my A.D.D. baby. Sail!"

-Awolnation, Sail

Dean couldn't take it anymore. Cas had left him and he was so full of sorrow and depression. Dean could 't take it anymore. He was going to kill himself. He knew Cas would never take him back after the fight they had had just a week before.

"Cas, we can fix this."

"Dean, it's not broken!"

"Then what are we doing here, complaining to each other about stuff that 'isn't broken' when clearly there is? Why won't you tell me what's wrong with you? Is it something I did?"

Cas didn't reply. He just shook his head and turned his back on Dean.

"Maybe we should spend some time apart." That was all he said before he left the motel room. Dean was more than angry. He was furious, disappointed. He wanted to know why Cas had acted the way he had lately. Dean couldn't bear the pain of losing the love of his life. He wanted to punch the wall until his knuckles bled. He wanted to fix everything wrong in the world. He wanted to end it all.

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Dean stood at the end of a steep cliff overlooking the ocean. It was the only thing he could think of doing to end this feeling that had been eating at him from the inside out.

He did leave a note explaining everything. Something so Cas and Sam could remember him. Sam. He would be absolutely heartbroken after hearing the news of his brother's demise. Cas, he would be ok. Maybe shed a few tears-if Dean was lucky-and then move on to his next boyfriend. But it was Sam he was mostly worried about. Dean was the only blood relative he had left. They had some good times together, some bad, but mostly good. They had hunted together, been together, looked after each other their whole lives. If Sam was lucky, maybe some angel would pull Dean from Hell again, just as Cas did. But Cas had become too weak and couldn't, nor would he want to. And all other angels wouldn't be powerful enough to pull the great Dean Winchester out if Perdition. Again.

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Dean pulled off his leather jacket and the necklace Sam had given him, and put them in a box. He took his gun from his belt loop and put that in there too. He left the note on top, and taped the box shut. He would mail it to Sam just in time as he died. Sure, Sam would be devastated, but he would eventually get over it just like all the other times Dean died. More than 100 to be more specific.

Dean could go to Hell again, and maybe even find Adam, still trapped in Lucifer's cage. Or maybe he would end up in heaven for once, even get to see his parents, grandparents, Ash, Jo, Ellen, and Bobby. All of his friends were dead. Except Garth. Dean didn't know where he ended up after their last job together, but that was beside the point.

The point is, Dean could reunite with the people he loved. He did attempt suicide once before, but Bobby wouldn't let him. Bobby's not here anymore. No one could stop him this time. No one.

Dean mailed his package to Sam, trying not to cry as he dropped it off at the nearest post office. In the letter, he explained why he was doing this, and that nobody could change his mind. That it was too late. He started off the letter by saying,

Dear Sammy,

If you're reading this, I'm already dead. I don't plan on coming back this time.

Maybe it seemed a little too straight forward, but Sam needed to know the truth. Dean explained that his things were at the Bluebird motel in Washington state. He was going to leave his Impala with Sam. He said that if anything happened to his baby while he was gone, he would come back to haunt Sam. He said this jokingly, of course, but it didn't lighten the mood.

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He still stood, overlooking the rushing water, off the Washington coast. He walked not even a half-mile here. He turned his back to the horizon, the setting sun. "I'm sorry Cas. I'm so sorry Sammy." he whispered to himself. And with that, he stepped off the cliff.

Not regretting anything. Not flailing his arms or legs. Not trying to hold onto a ledge and save himself. Not rethinking anything. He knew it was the right thing to do. At least, that's what his brain told him. His heart said otherwise. He didn't listen to his heart. He never really bothered trying.

Time seemed to slow down as he saw the sky getting farther away. He hit a rock, and a piercing pain ran through his entire body. But the pain wasn't as extreme as when he was being tortured in Hell. Dean couldn't move. He tumbled down farther, faster, hitting the ice cold water below. He lost all feeling in his fingers and toes. He felt like he was hardening into an ice cube. It felt like shattered glass was ripping through his arms and face. He held his breath. Is what it's really like to die? Is this what it's like to finally be at peace?

His whole body was numb. Yet, he still felt pain. Not physical pain-because that was impossible at this point-but emotional pain. The struggle of losing a loved one was a feeling he knew too well. He grieved for Sammy, but he couldn't help but feel happy, somehow. He knew that he could finally die in peace.

Sometimes he thought he would die at the hands of some kind of supernatural creature, or maybe he had finally drank enough that his liver failed him. He almost never thought he would drown. Dean knew how to swim. He just didn't want to.

Numbness started creeping its way into Dean's mind, as well as his body. He gave up. He gave up the fight to stay alive. He finally let go.

Suddenly, he saw Tessa, the reaper, standing at the mouth of a tunnel. "It's time, Dean. It's time to let go. You need to come with me now, for good. Are you ready?" She asked in a soft, soothing voice.

A silent tear slid down Dean's left cheek. "I'm ready." He whispered. Tessa held out her hand, and Dean took it. They walked to the end of the tunnel, and it started making a blinding white light. It abruptly stopped. He saw Chuck, or rather, God, standing in front of him.

"Hello, Dean."

"Hey, God."

"It's good to have you. Wouldn't want you to end up in Hell again."

"No. Wouldn't want that."

Another tear slid its way down Dean's freckled face. God disappeared, and a group of people replaced him. A woman in a white nightgown with long, wavy blonde hair stepped in front of him. "Hi, Dean." she said as she smiled.

"Hi, mom."