Memories

Seven

Sometimes, second chances just doesn't exist. And I'm constantly reminded of how I dealt with the first.

Ever since you left, the once dull mornings had turned into such surprises to me.

Just when I was about to step out of our room, Erik walked past right in front of me. When he realized I was there, he froze in his tracks. And so did I.

He had never woken up this early before, even for work.

But it wasn't just because of that I was shocked about.

It was when our eyes had met; when he flinched and looked away like a child guilty of stealing candies. I knew from my instincts that something was wrong; I was, after all, his father for twenty three years now. The muddle of sadness and pain in his eyes was something I didn't miss, either.

"I'm leaving," as though realizing I was about to ask questions he didn't want to answer, Erik spoke and broke the awkward silence that was starting to itch closer towards us. "...for work." He ended weakly. 

Isn't it too early? The question sprang into my mind, desperately wanted to jump out of my lips, but I swallowed it down.

He wouldn't tell me, if he chose to lie in the first place. "Okay."

Without another word from him, he left just like the breeze -gone without a trace.

I stood there, dwelling in the reason why Erik had acted colder than his usual cool demeanor, until a voice pierced through the silence and pulled me out of my thoughts.

"Dad?" Alicia stood in front of me, just a head shorter. Her dark hair swayed a little, as she looked up at me with her ocean blue eyes.

And instantly, I fell back into my world of memories; a world I wasn't sure if I liked it or not. Because I could find you everywhere, even if I chose to hide. Just like the sun, perhaps.

Alicia really looked like you. Except your eyes carried a different, one of a kind softness and beauty, and were a darker shade of blue- azure -that seemed to have gold flecks in them. It was one of the things that I could remember vividly about you.

But they had dulled over the years, and so had my memories of them.

"Will you be alright? Alone and all that..." She trailed off and from the tone of her voice, I knew she was worried.

"I'll be fine. Really." I gave her a reassuring smile.

She was wrong though. I wasn't alone. I still had you.

Her eyes stayed on me, long and sad, as they soon glazed over. She must be recalling what had happened.

"Alicia?"

"Oh." She blinked. "Alright. Be careful, dad."

And with one last look, she turned and left. This time, it felt more like a tranquil rain -- gentler and not without a trace. Her concern was left behind.

The wooden door closed with a small thud sound.

I never knew a morning could let me witness so many emotions. Just one morning and I had come to understood one thing -we were all still holding on tightly to the past.