Memories

Ten

I woke up from a nightmare only to face another. Or maybe I never woke up; maybe I was cursed to sleep for eternity, just like sleeping beauty.

When I opened my eyes and realized I was lying on your laps, I knew I was still dreaming.

But I wouldn't let this go to waste, even if it was just a dream.

You were so close to me, our heads just inches apart. You looked different, maybe twenty years younger, and you were knitting. Your hair was let loose, messy, but the way they cascaded down your shoulders so naturally was beautiful to me.

I wish time could stop.

Everything were so nostalgic because I remember just how often we did this. We were both busy after we got married, but we never failed to spend time together.

We just sat in the same space, doing separate works, occasionally stealing glances at each other and laughing when we caught each other staring. When one of us got tired, we would snuggle a little, in a way that wouldn't interrupt the other's work.

We were happy. Despite not talking, going on dates or doing any other romantic things. We were so happy just by being together.

I wonder what the past us would think if they know what would happen in the future.

Perhaps they would appreciate this more. Because I knew I would.

In the silence, I could hear your breaths and I could see all your little movements. They are all so important.

The way your fingers moved, the way your lips would curl up in satisfaction when you finished knitting, the way your hand gently rested on my head, patting me while I slept.

I missed this.

When you caught me staring, you set aside your knitting tools and your face broke out into a bright smile. You pinched my left cheek lightly and giggled. It sounded like music to my ears.

"Awake now, sleepyhead?"

Your eyes. Your smile. Your touch.

"I missed you." I blurted out.

"Silly, it has only been fifteen minutes." Your hand left my face and the warmth lingered behind. I craved for that warmth.

"It felt much longer than that," I reached out my hand towards your face and gently stroked your cheek. Warm. "Much, much longer."

I sat up immediately, but not too abrupt as to surprise you.

I pulled you into my embrace and tried to hold back the pain in my voice as I whispered, "I missed you so, so much."

"Alright, alright. I missed you too," You chuckled and returned my hug.

No. Don't tell me you miss me. I can't take it.

I closed my eyes, succumbing to the warmth I had longed for so long, blocking out every possible distraction.

Everything wasn't real. Nothing was ever real to me anymore. But I wished I could bask in this moment for just a little while more.

Just a little.

It was like real warmth, like I was hugging the real you, in this fake, delusional world.

I was completed absorbed until this warmth slowly turned hotter.

So hot that I felt the urge to pull away. But I resisted, I hugged tighter even when the heat was unbearable, as though it was burning me directly. I wouldn't let go even if I was burned alive. I wouldn't.