Going the Distance (Book #1 of Distance series)

Prelude

"Blink away tears and walk forward. Even if the first step hurts, believe that everything will be okay. Someday it will."
-Anonymous-

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"The Chain"
by Ingrid Michaelson

♪ The sky looks pissed
The wind talks back
My bones are shifting in my skin
And you, my love, are gone ♫

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"Please, Tristan, I beg you. Can we work this out? I'm willing to forgive you. Let's leave the past behind and start everything anew."

Stuttering, I grabbed his hand and held it tightly, shaking it, in an effort to make my point heard.

Ramdam ko ang pag-init ng mata ko. Ano mang oras ay tutulo na ang mga luha ko.

"We can't, Sophie. I don't want to do this anymore." He lets go of my hand and he shifted his gaze away from me. He couldn't stay put on his seat.

Andiyang di-dekuwatro siya ngunit maya-maya ay ililipat naman niya ang kanyang pagkaka-dekuwatro sa kabilang hita naman. Minsan ay uupo siya nang diretso habang naka-krus ang dalawang braso sa dibdib.

Hearing those breathy explosion of words from him made my chest feel tight, like there's something inside it wanting to burst out. Pinigilan ko pa ring umiyak.

No, I didn't want to cry.

"Look," matigas niyang sabi. "It's not you, Sophie. It's me. I'm the bad guy here. Walang problema sa'yo. You're almost... perfect. Gusto ko lang hanapin ang sarili ko. It's just that---"

Pinatigil ko na siyang magsalita pa. Hindi ko inakala na maririnig ko ang pamosong linya na yun sa totoong buhay, "It's not you. It's me ".

Ayaw ko na ring makarinig ng kahit ano pang excuses mula sa kanya. "Is this about another girl?" I rubbed my wrists instinctively. My heart was throbbing and my breathing became somewhat--- depth-less. "Just tell me. Just damn tell me, Tristan!" mahinahon ko pa rin sabi.

Napakapit na lang ang dalawa kong kamay sa ilalim ng lamesa na para bang nanghihingi sila ng lakas sa isa't-isa, habang tinatanong ko ang sarili ko kung handa na ba akong marinig ang totoo. At sa tuwing nagtatagpo naman ang mga mata namin ay mabilis din niyang binabawi ang mga tingin niya sa akin. Yuyuko na lang siya pagkatapos.

It took a while before he answered my question. "I can't say. Hindi lang ito tungkol doon, o sa babae. There are other things, Sophie. But the bottom line is, this is not working anymore."

Ramdam ko sa tono ng pananalita niya na parang siguradong-sigurado siya sa mga sinasabi niya. There was a presence of guilt in his eyes as he emphasized these phrases--- "other things" and "not working anymore". My stomach dropped. My eyes squeezed shut for a moment as I tried to absorb the reality of what I just heard.

He was lying!

He was making things so complicated for me to comprehend when he could've just given me a direct to the point answer.

But why, Tristan? After all this time? Dalawang taon, Tristan! Why was it too easy for you to throw away this relationship? Wala ka na ba talagang pakialam sa atin? Sa akin?" pagsusumigaw ng dibdib ko. Para akong pipi dahil hindi ko magawang sabihin ang mga ito.

"Do you still care about me? Do you still..." ang tangi kong nasabi. Huminga ako nang malalim. "... Do you still love me, Tristan?"

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