Blues

14. Bluer Than Blue

"I really should be glad
But I'm bluer than blue
Sadder than sad."
Bluer than blue by Barry Manilow.

Chapter Fourteen:

I instinctively suck in a shallow breath, and it feels like it brings our bodies even closer, my soft flesh against his hard chest. I stay anchored in my place, neither pushing him away nor kissing him back. He grabs the nape of my neck with his other hand, urgently pushing his daintily soft lips forcefully against mine, and that’s all it takes before I set the remainder of my sanity free, and kiss him back. The friction of my mouth against his nearly drives me mad, and my mouth becomes feverish, clamping onto his over and over again.

I feel his tongue skimming my bottom lip and teeth, seeking entry, and I defenselessly open for him. The moment my mouth parts, his tongue clashes against mine, burning strokes igniting my body on fire and causing my eyes to fall shut in pleasure and need. He tastes of lemon and sugar, a fusion on his bipolar character. His fingertips dig into the soft flesh of my nape, as if there was room for more closeness, and I snap, throwing my arms around his neck. He responds by moving the hand on my west south, until he is cupping my backside, and in one swift move, he brings me full-body against him. I nearly pass out in my place, fully sentient of every hard part of him pressing against my delicate flesh. He makes a sound deep in his throat, and it's like a symphony to my ears, vibrating through my body. My hands move to bury themselves into his hair, tugging on its silkiness, and it triggers him, causing him to push me back, instantly leading my body with his until my back hits a hard wall, and he pushes his body flat against mine, allowing me to feel every part of him.

I distantly hear a few murmurers passing by, and it's like icy water washing all over me. I open my eyes, only to find his closed, frown lines marring the space between his eyebrows, but it doesn't last for long. He notices my lack of response and opens his eyes, and the world stops. We just stare at each other with no shame, our eyes sealed. I don't move, and neither does he, our lips touching but not moving a fraction.

His gaze abruptly alters, and he hisses, looking around as bothered lines start to form between his eyebrows. He shakes his head, before he slaps his hands against the wall above my head, using them to push away from me. He spies people piling in and out of the hallway, before he looks back at me, his face hard.

“That was–” he starts, but I interrupt him.

“–a mistake.” I finish the sentence, beseeching the ground to split and swallow me whole. My mouth parts to accommodate my bashing breaths, and I notice that his chest is in the same panting state.

How could I do that? How could I let my guard down and let him bait me and mold me in his hand like a piece of dough? I'm sure in that moment, when his lips were on me, I was ready to do cross seas for him.

He was like a drug. A dose of heroin forcing its way into my system, and I was like a pathetic junkie, disarmed and unable to resist it.

He nods repeatedly, dragging a hand down his face, his shirt-clad chest elevating and dropping in long, laborious breaths. He opens and closes his mouth several times, struggling for the right words just like me, before he just mutters, “That didn't happen.” And just like that, he spins and walks off, discarding me behind, my jaw dangerously close to hitting the ground.

I slap my palm against my forehead in lividity. The asshole did it and humiliated me again, and I'm left here like a piece of bone thrown to the dogs. How dare he? No. How dare I? I brought this on myself. I’ve always been a reticent person, reprobating the idea of telling people any details about me. How could I react like an airhead and blurt out one of my bluest secrets, letting him kiss me and then leave me behind like I'm nothing but one of the sluts he sleeps with and then paints? I did this to myself and here I am bearing the consequences. It's not like I wanted to be with him. I'm too swamped by burdens and goals to even consider such imbecility, not to mention that diversion is something that I don't have on my to-do list. However, what he did was like a slap across my ego, which is now pendulously bleeding.