Aquamarine ➳ Theon Greyjoy

➳ 4 // Would Be Worth It

:A N A S T A R K:

The forbidden talks about desire were forbidden for a reason. They awoke something deep inside us, a spark that turns into a flame once we've been touched on the right places and it was a dangerous thing to play with fire especially when all you've known in your life is ice.

    Ever since the kiss I had shared with Robb things had become tense. The air around us becoming almost dark as both of our eyes hid our shared secret and our bodies asked for more of it. As days went by, my thoughts about Theon also started to become more intense and it had caused me to try and ignore him the best that I could.

    It was a truly difficult task, to hold a secret that I wanted to go back to and to try and avoid the reason I was holding myself back.

    Every day I would walk with Syrena as I saw her slowly growing more, I would teach her around the grounds of our land. I would go into the woods horse riding with her by my side, I would have my sewing lessons with her at my feet, sometimes intimidating Septa Mordane when her bright yellow eyes focused on hers whenever the Septa would be giving me any kind of advices on  my bad pieces of sewing. I could not escape Robb or Theon during meal times as we were all together sat by the table, glances would be stolen from each of the boys but my eyes would try not to return any of them as I was almost afraid they could see through my eyes and discover what I was feeling inside.

    Theon kept trying to make comments at me whenever I would go by him, his latests being about the royal family coming to visit and that maybe if I was lucky I could get some 'royal prick' as he had put it. I'd actually gulp at his words this time, not from intimidation or need for someone royal to bed me, but from the way his eyes would look me up and down. I had never let him get to me, much less be bothered by the way he would look at me, but ever since I discovered what kissing a man and desire for more was, I couldn't help but wonder if Theon ever felt any of that towards me. I couldn't help but wonder if Theon was stuck in the same limbo as me, the never ending wanting for something one could never get and enjoy. I did not want Theon and this was just a small phase of growing older, at least this is what I told myself every single day.

    One week from today the king's party would arrive at Winterfell so it was obvious to say that  my anxiety was growing more and more prominent. I would find myself sitting by the small pond of the godswood, the weirwood tree sheltering me as sometimes gentle snow would fall from the sky and cover the floor. My only company would be Syrena as she would never leave my side, even when mother would ask for the wolves to be near the dogs at the kennel during night time  the little black covered wolf would never let herself be taken away from me, it was as if she felt how much I needed her company in these moments. I truly appreciated her more than anything.

    This was one of those moments where I was simply sat in the godswood, Syrena by my feet as I simply looked at the carved tree in front of me. The North still worshiped the Old Gods, the many nameless and faceless gods that were once worshipped by the Children of the Forest and the First Men. When being taught about religion I would question it quite often, but it was normally found to be offensive to do so, so I would simply keep any opinions to myself until asked about it. It was very clear to say that opinions are never asked when it comes to religion.

    I thought about many things in that single moment but all of them were things I had given enough thought already. Still, I thought about them all going by every single detail.

    Convincing myself I only desired Robb's touch to make me forget about whatever I was feeling about Theon was not a hard task, mainly because it was the truth. Something unknown was happening to me about Theon so to try and mask this I would simply tell myself to crave for my own brother. A sin for another sin.