White Nights

Chapter 15 - Be my breath

Sarah's POV

I got up and went to the bathroom. Dimitri did not sleep here last night.

After taking a shower, I put on my clothes and took my bag.

Dimitri was not in the penthouse. Galina said he had left early, but he would come back at noon. I told Galina that I was going to meet up with my friend.

I was waiting for the doctor. I was so nervous. The nurse called me. I walked into the room, gripping the strap of my bag tightly.

"Hello, Mrs. Fedorova. My name is Luba." The doctor greeted me. "Sit down, please." She pointed to the chair, giving me a slight smile.

I sat down, biting my lower lip nervously.

"Well...I need to ask. Are you sure?" She asked.

Am I? No, but I should do it.

"Yes." I muttered. My voice was barely audible.

"Ok, but firstly, let's check up. Lie down and pull your blouse up." She said. I nodded and stood up.

She put the gel on my stomach. My heart was beating faster.

"You are about six weeks pregnant." She informed.

I couldn't look at the screen. Suddenly, the room filled with heartbeats.

"These are..." I murmured, looking at the doctor, holding my tears back hardly. She nodded.

"Yes, it is your baby's heartbeats." She confirmed.

I was so emotional. I couldn't hold my tears anymore. I looked at the screen.

My little bean.

The doctor handed me some tissues as she stood up. I wiped the gel off my stomach and got up.

"Are you sure? Do you want to get an abortion?" She asked me.

My baby's heartbeats were still repeating in my mind. But I should do it.

"...I...Yes." I muttered. She nodded.

"Ok, the nurse will help you to get ready." She informed and called the nurse, leaving me alone in the room.

I placed my hand on my stomach. "I am sorry, my little bean." I said, sobbing.

My phone rang. I pulled my phone out of my bag. It was Dimitri. I switched the volume to mute.

The nurse walked in. "Mrs. Fedorova, take your clothes off and put on it."

I started unbuttoning my blouse slowly. My hands were shaking.

"No. No. I can not do it." I said, buttoning my blouse up quickly.

The doctor walked in.

"I can not do it. I can not." I confessed, looking at her. She gave me a smile, nodding.

"Ok. Then, let me give you some information about pregnancy." She said. I nodded, smiling.

Then I left the hospital. I was so happy. It was the right decision. I couldn't do it to my little bean. I couldn't kill her or him. I was going to be a mother.

My little bean.

I rubbed my stomach.

When I arrived, Dimitri was not in the penthouse. Galina told me he called a few times; he was worrying about me. She told me he was on the way. I nodded and went to my room.

I started packing my suitcases. I couldn't stay here anymore. I decided to go back to New York, but before I needed to be alone. I went to the living room, pulling my suitcase with me.

"Sarah, where have you been?..." Dimitri asked as he walked in. He didn't finish his sentence when he saw my suitcase. He looked at me with the mixture of fear and shock in his eyes.

"You..." He murmured, looking into my eyes.

"I am going." I informed.

"Where?" He muttered barely.

"I do not know. I need to be alone." I replied, looking at him.

"No. No. Do not leave me! Please, don't leave me!" He begged, looking frightened.

"Dimitri..."

"No, do not leave me. I am begging you. Do not leave me!" He pleaded and knelt down on his knees in front of me. I was shocked.

"Dimitri...stand up...please...." I muttered. He shook his head.

"Please, Sarah...do not leave me. I love you so much. I can not bear it...this time. Do not leave me!" He said, sobbing.

I walked towards him and knelt down beside him. I had not seen him like this.

This time? What is going on?

I remembered the night when he was drunk. 'I will not do like him.' There was something.

"What are you talking about, Dimitri? I do not understand. What is the problem between you and your father? And you... you do not love me. Even you had left me. Why? Why do you want me to stay?"

He looked at me, wiping his tears off his cheeks.

"My mother had left my sister and me when I was five years old. Because of my father. I have not seen her after that day. I had heard their fight. They were fighting, yelling at each other. She mentioned a woman, something about it. The next day, she left." He sighed and continued. "For that, I hate my father. I did everything to make him angry. All my girlfriends were someone who he wouldn't approve of. All of these were for making him angry. " He paused as he looked into my eyes. "Later, I met you. I really like you at first sight. You were so beautiful. And you are as always. My father told me that he wanted me to marry his friend's daughter, some Russian businessman's daughter, and he told me to stay away from you." He breathed deeply and continued. "And then, I decided to make you my girlfriend. But it was not just for my father. I really wanted it too...So much. When your leaving date came closer, I decided to propose. I did not want to lose you. You are the only woman who I want in my life. You are my breath. And my father's disapproval was a bonus. But when we told them about our marriage, he told me he had planned it. He told me to stay away from you purposely, because he knew I wouldn't obey him. I thought you were in it too, but later, when we talked, you told me you did not know anything. But I was angry at my father...at you. I know it is not your fault....but...." He shrugged his shoulders.

I was shocked. I did not know what to say. I was speechless.

My poor boy.

"I love you, Sarah. I really love you. I have been thinking about you all time when I was in New York. I couldn't call you because I knew if I would hear your voice, nothing could hold me back there...even my anger. I love you. Please, forgive me. I am so sorry. I promise I will not break your heart again. I will do everything to make you happy. Be my breath." He looked at me with begging eyes.

All my anger was gone. I hugged him, crying. He wrapped his arms around me, hugging me tightly, kissing my cheeks, forehead and hair.

"I love you. I love you." He repeated, kissing me.

"I love you too, Dimitri." I said and kissed his lips.

Our soft kiss turned into a passionate one. He helped me to stand up without separating our lips.

In a swift movement, he lifted me up. I wrapped my legs around his waist, running my hands through his hair. He carried me to the bedroom, kissing me hungrily.