behind the boisterous bustle of the crowds and blinding fluorescent lights, aki finds jeongguk seated in a lone red chair hunched over with a towel around his neck and his head in his hands. never once has she seen him so defeated, and for a second, she contemplates just turning around walking out before he sees her.
but she's too late. jeongguk's head lifts, sunken eyes meeting her own apprehensive ones. he gives her a look that aki can't quite put a finger on - it's one that borders on disgust, or was it shame? - but it sends aki's heart sinking deep into the very pit of her stomach. it's the look that confirms that she has hurt him just by being here.
she takes cautious, meandering steps towards him, like she's afraid he'll snap if she approaches too quickly. he doesn't budge though, and aki kneels down to face him, reaching to clasp one of his gauze-wrapped hands.
"i'm sorry." aki whispers, trying to meet jeongguk's eyes. he doesn't look. "jeongguk, i'm sorry."
"you should've left." jeongguk mutters under a shaky breath.
"i know." aki replies, "but seeing you . . . it made me so curious to see what you did when i was at home, waiting to see if you would show up. i wanted to know why you came home so battered, and i knew you would never tell me, so i -"
"i was going to win, aki!" jeongguk shouts, and aki watches as the towel around his neck drops to the ground. "i wanted to give you the money i won and pay you back for all the times you let me stay over. but i saw you standing in the crowd, and i couldn't focus. knowing that you were feet away watching me take punches to the head, do you think i wanted you to see that?" he chuckles bitterly.
aki is left speechless at jeongguk's blunt confession. the room, she thinks, is teetering on its edges, catching itself just as it slips. it's jeongguk's presence that always catches aki before she tips over.
"you're an idiot, jeon jeongguk." aki finally mutters, hot tears blurring her vision. she swipes them away angrily. "you are a fucking idiot. don't you ever do this again just for any surmountable amount of cash. i don't want money at the cost of your well-being."
jeongguk's features soften when he notices her crying, and then before aki notices, he's got his arms around her in an apologetic embrace. it's the first time he's reached out for her, and aki hates the fact that's she's so weak in his grasp.
"i know what you want." he mumbles, quietly like an afterthought. "and maybe i can't give you what you want."
aki knows exactly what he's talking about. jeongguk is letting aki's hand slip from his grasp, watching her fall with nothing more than a blank look on his face. the tears that slide down her cheeks feel like hot candle wax that'll leave scars.
"i don't need you to return my feelings." aki chokes out through gritted teeth. "but please. if you don't plan on loving me any time soon, stop giving me false hope and trying to repay me."
"aki - that's not what i meant."
jeongguk takes a step closer towards her, but she takes one back. maybe this is her wake up call, long overdue.
"it's okay, i get it." aki says, but it's more of an attempt at consoling herself. "get tended to those cuts, yeah? they'll scar if you don't."
aki leaves before jeongguk gets a word in, wondering when, or if, she'll get to see him again.
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surprise!!! (i finally updated since it's thanksgiving break) so many of you wanted an update for flicker and i hope i delivered even though it's not the happiest chapter
