The Chronicle of the Worthy Son

Telling the Truth, pt. 2

"I—what?" Able drew back and out of reach. "I thought you wanted to think?"

"Yeah." Lark made that face when he thought something obvious. "That's why I really need a lay right now...or..." His already flushed face reddened all the way to his ears and he started to withdraw. "Or a run. That would work too. I'll go for a run."

"Lark, wait—" although Able had no idea what he meant to say.

"You want to come for a run too?" Lark looked an embarrassed sort of hopeful.

"Stop, please." Able grabbed his shoulders tightly. "Please don't misunderstand me."

Lark went still and raised his eyebrows.

"You caught me off guard." Able tried to collect his thoughts, but they had scattered like cows on the hillside at the first thunderclap.

"Should I have caught you on guard?" Now only one eyebrow was raised.

Able sighed, not that he had much air in his lungs. "Can we please talk about this?"

"Able, I'm not going to be a jackass and push you when you're not ready," Lark said plainly and shrugged under Able's hands.

"Well, what if—what if I could do with some pushing?" Able swallowed. Now Lark was brought up short, and he had a moment to cut through the jungle of nerves for what he wanted—needed to say. "I know it hurts you that I've hesitated so much on this. I'd hate that—if someone clearly wanted me but was ashamed of wanting someone like me, I'd hate that too."

Lark's eyes fell to the ground as he exhaled as sharply as if he'd been punched. His air spent, he silently mouthed something. "Wow," perhaps. 

Able released his shoulders and held his face instead, tenderly stroking his cheekbones with his thumbs. "Listen to me: I love you. I'm sorry for how I behaved. Because I love you more than anything or anyone, more than this whole world or whatever the next may be, and I want to be whatever you need me to be."

Lark only stared at the ground.

Able felt he could not catch his breath and his heart continued to race. "So...what do you need me to be?"

"You." Lark lifted his gaze. "I need you to be you. Don't ask me to make you be something you're not."

Able drew a long breath and let it out slowly as he searched for clarity. What was he? Lark carried with him a world that made this one seem desperately arbitrary and cruel in comparison. Not since Able had realized that the universities he saw printed on the title pages of the books he adored were a place had he wanted to belong somewhere else so badly.

Of course he wanted Lark. That wasn't the question. From the moment he'd set eyes on him, even as he huddled beneath bewildering thoughts, Able had known he wanted this beautiful creature. But could he? Could he, like this astonishing person inches away, defy a king to his face? Defy a nation? All the lackluster laws of god and man?

He hadn't an ounce of the strength required. He knew it from the trembling in his bones. From the shallowness of his breath. From the numbness in his face. But he'd never belong to this better world with its better ideas if he placed his faith in his rational fears. And right now, nothing was more terrifying than that.

"How," Able started but needed another long breath to steel himself. "How can I convince you it's nothing like that? That I'm only...nervous and shy?"

"Really?" Lark's eyebrows popped up—no, all of him perked up. "Would it be your first time?"

"Of course not," Able snapped automatically, though the true answer was yes. "...but it would be our first time, wouldn't it?"

"Mm-hm." Lark grinned then shook his head. "You don't have to worry about disappointing me, or scaring me off...relax."