Lost Tapes ♡ h.s.

prologue

TRIGGER WARNING: suicide, depression, anorexia

PROLOGUE

                                        A wild storm was going on outside. The rain was banging against the window and the limbs of a huge tree were whipping around from the heavy wind. A bright lightning illuminated the night and only seconds later a loud thunder resounded.

 Harry sat on his chair, which was usually standing in front of his desk, and had now turned it to the window so he could watch the storm outside. However, the storm was nothing compared to the storm inside of him. The rain was nothing compared to the tears he had shed. The thunder is nothing compared to the pounding headache he had had for days.

 He had not eaten in days and his stomach had stopped growling after the second day. Harry did not feel hungry. Harry only felt empty and nothing could fill this hole.

 The lightning was the only source of light that brightened the dark and stormy night. But soon enough the darkness covered everything up again, sucked Harry in so he had no possibility to see light again.

 The door opened behind him but he did not turn around. Harry was used to his mother coming upstairs, bringing him something to eat and to drink. His mother, Anne, placed the plate and the water bottle on top of the desk next to him and took the full plate from today's morning with her.

 "Harry, darling, you need to eat." Anne said and put her hand on his shoulder. Harry flinched at the unexpected gesture.

 "No." Harry cawed and continued to stare outside.

 "Starving to death won't bring her back." Anne told him carefully, afraid she picked the wrong words. But Harry was so numb he did not even feel offended by his mother's words.

 "It would take me to her." Harry mumbled stubbornly and Anne let out a heavy sigh. She wsa helpless. How could she help her poor boy?

 "It isn't your fault. You always supported her. Don't blame yourself."

 "She is gone, though. My help was not enough for her. I was not enough for her to stay." Harry breathed and heard his mother wince when a loud thunder rung out, but Harry just sat there and welcomed the deafening sound.

 "Call when you need something, alright?" His mother asked and gave her son a kiss on his curly hair. Before she exited his bedroom, she remained in the door way and observed her son. Anne could only see his back but it tore on her heart to see her boy like this.

 Harry heard Anne close the door and then sighed loudly. His body felt heavy and his eyes were threatening to fall shut. But he couldn't sleep now. He wished he would never have to go to sleep again because he was too weak to the face his nightmares.

 He had many nightmares ever since he had found out that Clarissa committed suicide. His beautiful Clarissa with her strawberry blonde curls and her brown-greenish eyes. Clarissa who had the weirdest taste in music but always managed to persuade Harry to listen to the new band she had discovered. Clarissa who was liked by everybody had decided to leave everyone behind, including her boyfriend Harry.

 It had come so unexpected and sudden. Harry remembered that she had gone to school the same day and had been happy and giggly, almost too clingy for Harry's liking. And he remembered a little fight between the two of them, all this on the same day she decided to go.

 Harry didn't know why she'd done it. Harry knew that he was not the reason. But Harry didn't know about the tapes at that time.