Lost Tapes ♡ h.s.

Tape 1

TAPE 1 

April 18th 2014, 02:41pm

                                                Harry sat on the rug in Clarissa's room in front of a huge shelf, filled with useless stuff. Now, it was useless anyway because only Clarissa had known how to utilize those weird things she liked to collect. But Harry held them in his hands as if he had found a treasure. All these things were the only things he had left from her, the only things that still smelled like her or just simply reminded him of her.

 Clarissa's mother, Kristin, walked in and placed a cup of tea beside Harry. He heard that she was talking to him but he couldn't make out what she was saying because he was only half-listening, always in thoughts with Clarissa.

 Kristin patted his head and then left the room. It had been almost a month since Clarissa had committed suicide. The grief and the pain however hadn't gotten any less. Sometimes it felt as if it had doubled, or tripled but most of the time he just felt numb. But in some strange, unexplainable way that numbness really hurt as well.

 Harry put some books into a box. Clarissa had never liked reading books but she had kept a few in her shelf "to look smart". That had been her excuse. Harry had always known she was smart, even without the books in her shelf.

 Another little box, that he definitely hadn't carried upstairs, rested under her bed and he curiously pulled out the box from under her bed. The surface was covered in a light layer of dust and the box was sealed. Harry pulled his pocket knife out and ripped the box open.

 Inside were tapes. Six tapes to be exact. Harry picked one out and the inscription read Tape 3. He rummaged around until he found Tape 1. Should he listen to it?, he asked himself. Who knew what he would listen to? Was he supposed to find them? Harry had always known that Clarissa had kept her secrets under her bed, boxes with secret things, her diary for example. She had kept everything she didn't want her parents to see under her bed, and only Harry knew that.

 Curiosity wanted the best from him and he took the cassette recorder from her night table. A heavy sigh came from his lips before he pressed play. At first Harry only heard random noises and coughing until he heard her voice. Clarissa had recorded herself talking.

 "Hello, to whoever found this tape. I'm Clarissa Mason and I'm 17 years old, born September 9th, 1996. Is this important? Probably not. Anyway, I have an assumption who found these tapes and I really hope this person did find them because I'm recording them for him.  I hope it is you, Harry. If it's not...I will still address you, my dear listener, as Harry because he is the one I made them for.

 So, Harry, you probably wonder when I recorded these tapes since I did not write a date on them. But first I need you to promise me that you will destroy these tapes after you heard them. You will not show them to anyone. You will not keep them. You will listen to them once, so listen carefully, and then you will destroy them. Do not keep them, Harry, don't you dare. Promise? Alright, great, let's move on.

 Today is March 28th in the year 2014. So, yes, I'm recording this tape only hours before my death. I have it planned, every detail, and I'm not even afraid of my own death. Is that weird? I should be fearing death, right? But in a few hours I won't be able to breathe  anymore and you know what? I'm kinda excited.

I'm sorry if that sounded insensitive. I know you're probably not excited about what I'm about to do...or rather about what has already happened. I'm sorry. I just...I wish I could explain to you how I'm feeling right now. Light. Light is a good word, I guess. I feel so light, knowing that I don't have to carry all these burdens anymore. Knowing all this crap is gonna be over soon...it sounds exactly like what I need right now. Anway more about this later.

These tapes are for you, Harry. You are allowed to take out your anger on the people that I will be mentioning, if you feel like doing so...I give you my permission but don't go to hard on them, please. I don't want you to get in trouble again.

There are six tapes in the box in front you. Tape 1 is only an introduction to what will come. The other five tapes are directed to different people who I blame for...for my decision to go, I guess. But you, Harry, are supposed to be the only  one to listen to these tapes. Please don't show them to anyone else.

 I don't care when you listen to them. All six in one day, one tape a year, one tape a day, one tape a week, blah blah...I don't care. Do it the way you feel comfortable with. But listen to each tape only once. I beg you. I don't want you to keep them.

 And yes, I have five people on my list that are to blame for why I left. And you, Harry, are one of them."