We Could Be Enough - Lams

XXI.

"John? Are you alright?" Alex says, kneeling down next to me. My head is on my knees, and I'm leaning against a tree on the edge of the meadow. Am I alright? No fucking way.

"Do I look alright?" I try to make it sound sarcastic, but it only comes out as a whimper.

How would you act if there was a (big) possibility your dog could die, and last Thursday was the last time you would see them? And you had to almost shove him off your leg so you could get in your car? And who sat on your suitcase like he does every time someone tries to pack? And who sleeps in the weirdest of places? (potted plant, under the bathroom sink, face-first in his food bowl, etc.)

I think my response is a bit less than what is called for.

He tries to think of something to say but ends up patting my shoulder. Anyone could see us at the moment, but if they couldn't I'd probably be curled up in Alex's arms right now.

I look up. A couple tears are dripping down my cheeks. Alex's face is blurry through the tears. Haha, he looks funny. I'm pathetic.

I put my hand down on the ground to stabilize myself, but end up putting my hand on a pinecone, which promptly rolls away and causes me to fall down. Oh god, I'm a mess.

I smile, trying to stop the tears from coming out anymore. It doesn't work. It never does. I don't even know why I smile when I cry, I'm not happy. I don't even know. Does that make sense?

"Hey, hey. It's okay, you can cry." He tries to comfort me.

"Oh, gee, I didn't know that humans could cry," I say, my words warped by my stuffy nose. I sniffle and laugh at myself. I'm so funny.

I know Alex wants to glare at me right now. That was a terrible joke to say at a terrible time, I know. Why am I so contradictory?

Why Doesn't Alex glare at me? I was never good at being consoled, I never know what to do. It's just so awkward.

Peggy comes running down the hill, a bottle of water in her hand. She almost trips as she stops.

She hands me the bottle of water. I'm not thirsty. I know it's good for you to drink water and calm yourself down but I just don't want it. Instead of that, I press the cold plastic bottle on my forehead. Is it just me, or does crying always make your head feel hot?

I finally calm down half an hour later. By that time, everyone is doing last minute things to set up for when the campers get here, so they don't have to do them tomorrow. Oh god, I don't want them to come. As the days get closer, I realize everything that makes me a terrible role model, and someone who should never be in charge of 7-8 little kids. Especially the little boys, Jesus those things have the devil inside each and every one of them.

I shouldn't worry. The kids will be doing activities most of the day. I just have to make sure they don't get murdered by a serial killer in the middle of the night. And just in case that does happen, I have a whole box of Crayola markers to throw at the guy.

Like I said, I should not be put in charge of kids.

I mean, I think either Lafayette or Alexander will make an army out of their children. I remember how ruthless Alex was with the water gun the first night, and I just don't want to see him teaching little kids his nerf-skills.

I feel numb for almost the rest of the day. I can't stop thinking about what might happen to Colin, and I won't even know what happens for a few days. Why did Mary have to put so many raisins in the cookies?

That's why we don't have grape ice cream. Ben from Ben & Jerry's had a crush on Jerry's sister and thought it would impress her if he made grape ice cream. He gave her a try, and she loved it so much that she let her dog lick the spoon clean. A few minutes later the dog kneels over and dies because there's a molecule in grapes (and raisins) that is poisonous to dogs. So that's why there's no grape ice cream. Ben killed Jerry's hot sister's dog and was ashamed.

I don't think it's good to think about dead dogs and grapes right now.

Nope, now I'm crying again.

At least I'm alone in my cabin. I know I need to clean it a few more times before it's suitable for human habitation.

I feel like I'm missing something. It looks like everyone else is still getting ready, but I can't think of anything else that I could do.

I'm just going to annoy the crap out of Alex.

Good idea.

I peek my head out of my cabin. I see a few people at the end of the line of cabins helping each other set up a hammock or something, but they're too busy to notice me sneaking into Alex's cabin.

As I open the door, I hear someone whistling. I'm instantly jealous. I can't whistle, and it's completely not fair that some people can whistle, especially if they can whistle this damn good.

Alex is whistling so damn loud that he doesn't hear me come in. Perfect.

I take the opportunity to sneak up behind him. He's busy washing his hands in the sink, and I ready my pose.

Now, I'm literally standing, frozen, like an extra from Michael Jackson's Thriller, and Alex just stands there, washing his hands forever.

Alright, it probably was like ten seconds but you get my point.

He turns around and jumps. He looks like a deer in headlights. I laugh as he hits me in the face with one of the handtowels that was laying on the sink.

"Oh! My! God! John! Why! Did! You! Do! That! I! Had! A! Heart! Attack!" He swats at me with the towel. By now I'm just rolling on the floor, laughing harder than I have all week (and that's saying something.)

He huffs. "Bruh?"

I don't know how I understood what he meant, but I did.

"Your face was hilarious! You were like-" I freeze on the floor, a stupid look plastered on my face.

"Oh my god! It wasn't even that funny!" He says, putting the towel back by the sink.

"Bu-but it was!" I can't even breathe right now. Why is this so funny????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? i dunnooooo??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????help me???????????????????????????????

"Jesus, John." He steps over me and walks to the door. I guess I forgot to close it when I walked in.

I flip myself over and laugh. My nose is pressed into the wooden floor, but that just makes me laugh harder.

"Oh my god!" Alex yells in frustration. He's trying to look serious but I can see him smiling. He picks up my arm and drags me across the floor. I cackle as he purposefully bumps me into every piece of furniture he can.

He eventually flings me onto one of the beds and tries to suffocate me with a pillow. Even with feathers in my mouth, I keep on laughing. He's not helping the situation by doing this, you know.

I peel the pillow off my face and take a couple deep breaths. The moment our eyes meet, it sets me off again. I swear to god, if I don't stop laughing I'm going to have a heart attack.

"If you don't stop laughing I'll make you stop laughing."

I pause.

It's just like the movies.

Has my life ever since I met Alex been scripted? Am I a character in a movie? Am I eVeN rEaL?

Oh, heck. Gotta follow the cliche.

"Oh, really?"

It turns out, Alex also knows how to follow a script.

(IGNORE THE VIDEO AT THE TOP, IT JUST MADE ME LAUGH AND I WANTED TO SHARE IT)