Promise Me (Book One of the Kirkland Family)

Promise Me: Chapter 10

Chapter 10

On Wednesday morning, when she drove out to pick up Josie, Hannah spied the girl sitting in a lawn chair, drawing circles in the dirt with the toe of her sneaker.  “Daddy called me the other night,” she said without looking up at Hannah.

“Yeah, he called me, too,” she said, dropping down into a chair next to Josie.

Josie nodded mournfully, her eyes still glued to the ground.  “He told me I was grounded.”

Hannah smirked.  “Did he really?  How does he plan to execute that punishment?”

“He told Grandma.”

“Oh.”

Josie sighed.  “I guess that’s the end of my wonderful summer.”

“Why do you say that?”

The girl looked up then, tears welling up in her eyes.  “Because you’re the best friend I’ve ever had, and now Daddy doesn’t want me to be friends with you anymore.”

The heartbreak for this girl and the bitterness for her father surfaced in Hannah all over again.  “We’ll always be friends, Josie.  No one can take that away from us.”

Josie shook her head, making drops of liquid spill from the corners of her eyes.  “You don’t know my daddy.  He’s always finding ways to ruin my fun.”

“Oh, I think I know your father quite well, actually,” Hannah replied softly.  “And let me tell you something a very special woman once said...’No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.’”

Josie frowned.  “Who said that?  Your mother?”

Hannah laughed, but it wasn’t a happy sound.  “No, my mother wasn’t anything special.  Eleanor Roosevelt said that.”

“Who’s that?”

Now, Hannah laughed with amusement.  “She was the wife of President Roosevelt.”

“Who?”  A twinkle of the old, smarty-pants Josie sparkled behind her tears.

“Very funny,” Hannah said.  “Now what are we going to do about this grounding business?”

“I don’t know,” Josie sighed heavily.  “I really don’t like to make Daddy mad, but it’s not fair what he says about you.”

Sitting upright, Hannah narrowed her eyes and asked, “What did he say about me?”

A crumbled expression filled the girl’s face.  “I really don’t want to repeat it.  It wasn’t very nice.”

“Your father seems to be lacking the nice trait,” Hannah replied.

“Oh, he can be nice,” Josie argued, and Hannah was glad to hear the spark of defense in her voice.  “Last summer he took me to Disney World and rode Space Mountain with me five times.”

Confused, Hannah said, “You’ll have to explain the nice part of that.”

Josie giggled.  “Daddy hates roller coasters.  Especially SpaceMountain because it’s inside and you can’t see where you’re going.  He threw up twice...once, before we even got on it.  But he still rode with me.”

Grinning because Hannah pictured Justin Kirkland emptying his stomach in a wayward trashcan, she said, “I can see how that would be considered a generous act of kindness on his part.”

“Oh, it was very nice of him,” Josie said, her face turning wistful.  “After that, he bought me a grape snow cone, because that’s my favorite, and then found us the best spot to watch the fireworks.”

Hannah watched the nostalgia cross Josie’s smile and heard the yearning in her voice for a happier time with her father.  It took her back to those childhood days with her own father, and she remembered the summer she got to go to Disney World, just her and her daddy.  Hannah reached across and took Josie’s hand in a tender clasp.  “Honey, you hang onto those memories.  Your father has gone through a lot of pain, and it has created fear inside him, but it won’t last forever.”

Did I just defend that man?  Heavens, I did!

“You think so?” Josie asked.

“I know so,” Hannah replied with no hesitation, but prayed her declaration fulfilled itself.  Josie smiled -- a weak, uncertain smile, but it was still a smile.  That was the moment Mrs. Kirkland came out of the house, the screen door slapping against the doorframe behind her.  Hannah stood up, knowing her time with Josie was finally over...for now.  The girl was grounded, after all, and it was all Hannah’s fault.  This, she would take the blame for.

But Mary Alice stepped off the porch and called, “Gracious, girls...you two are going to be late for work if you don’t get a move on!”

Hannah and Josie glanced at her, then at each other, allowing Mary Alice’s words to soak into their brains...and they grinned.  “I’m not grounded?” Josie asked happily and hopefully.

“Grounded?” Mrs. Kirkland repeated, a mischievous smile on her lips.  “Why on earth would you be grounded?”

“But I thought Daddy--”

Hannah clamped a hand over Josie’s mouth.  “Shh,” she hissed in warning.  “Just smile and be happy.”

“Smile and be happy,” Josie mumbled from behind Hannah’s palm.

Mrs. Kirkland waved her hands.  “Well?  Get!  Unless you want to help me clean the carpets today?”

Josie broke away from Hannah and raced to her grandmother.  “I love you!” she whooped with a tight hug.  Her grandmother hugged her back, winked at Hannah, and then gave her a small push toward Hannah’s car.  

“Go on, now,” Mary Alice said.  “I’ll see you tonight for supper.”

“You’re an angel,” Hannah hailed Josie’s grandmother as she jogged over to the car.

“I know, dear!  Have fun, you two!”

Hannah drove away from the house with a bouncing Josie in the passenger seat, and she smiled at the girl.  “We’re going to get into soooo much trouble.”

“I know!” Josie squealed, but then she giggled.  And Hannah laughed right along with her.

For the rest of the week, their days resumed much the same as it had been all summer.  They worked and played and sang, but there was always that looming possibility of Justin discovering them together or coming back early.  He called Josie a few more times when the submarine stopped at some ports, but Josie just let her cell phone ring.  By the weekend, Hannah was looking over her shoulder every time a tall, blond-haired man passed by her.  

She knew for a fact she was initiating a third world war by remaining friends with his little girl, but she loved Josie, almost as though she was her own daughter, and that kept her chin up when the bombs started crashing to the ground.

*****

The submarine job was finally over.  Justin left the naval port and headed toward his office in Savannah to write his report.  Early tomorrow morning, he planned to head back to Arkansas...and Hannah Baker had best steer clear of him.  For the past week, he tried calling Josie several times, but she never answered her cell phone, and his text messages went unanswered, too.  Then to top off his irritation, his mother and father were obviously lying to him about Josie’s activities since he last talked to her and Hannah.  He could tell.  The vague answers.  The hems and haws...the redirection to another topic of conversation.

And he wasn’t happy.  Not even close.  Happy had faded from his emotional node a long time ago.  And it was all Hannah’s fault.

It wasn’t exclusively the fact that she obviously didn’t give a shit about his stipulations and demands concerning Josie.  It was also the unreasonable lust she made him experience every time he thought about her.  Closing his eyes at night, Justin would groan, because there she resided...in his mind, wearing those Daisy Duke cut offs and singing in her throaty voice, or sliding up and down on her car like Tawny Kitaen in that Whitesnake video...or hell!  Her in her bikini from TerrorTown.  Just three nights ago, Daley stuck in Fast Times at Ridgemont High for their nightly movie, and when Phoebe Cates emerged from that swimming pool...Justin imagined Hannah doing the exact thing -- hair wet and slicked back, undoing the clasp of her top, walking toward him in slo-mo...and then kissing him like a woman starved for the taste of his lips.

It was enough to drive him crazy.  

And the guys on the boat didn’t help matters.  Someone -- somewhere, somehow -- managed to print off a slew of photos of Hannah, and fours hours out of Iceland, the photographs were pinned to his bunk, the inside of the Head wall, taped to the back of clipboards, and pasted to other photographs of porn stars.  All with lewd phrases written in little balloons above her head.  Things, like “Kirkland’s my hero,” or “Take a ride on my life rafts,” or his favorite, “I’ll suck you dry, Big Daddy.”  Normally, he’d just blow it off and chuckle, but he didn’t the first time he saw Hannah’s face on his pillow, and from there on through the rest of the journey, the taunts and practical jokes got worse.

Then Hannah posted another video of herself singing, and of course, Daley found out and copied it to a disk as soon as he was able.  It was obvious from the beginning that she wrote it especially for him, even blatantly scorning Justin with her crucified comment.  The other guys whooped and hollered about Hannah in her pajamas and her perky breasts and that sexy voice, but Justin only heard her words and saw her face.  And she was spittin’ mad.  He had called and confronted her that morning before leaving Spain, and now she was turning it all around, making him out to be the bad guy again.  Well, he wasn’t playing into her hands this time.  He wouldn’t give her any more fuel to write her hateful songs, so she can just stuff a sock in it.  Justin had a few things to say to the pretty songbird, but he’d wait until he could look the woman in the eyes.

Oh, yeah, he thought.  Just wait, Hannah Baker.  I’ll give you a few words to sing about.    

Now that he was back on land again, the first things he wanted to do was finish his report, go home, get drunk, and pray that God let him pass out cold.  But then he entered his empty condo, remembered that Teresa had gone home to the Dominican Republic for the summer and, with Josie at his parents, the place felt barren and cold.  He dumped his bags in the hallway, flipped through the pile of mail that the complex’s manager put on his breakfast bar, and then stood there, looking out a window.  Alone.

He’d been alone for too long.  Even during his marriage, he always felt a loneliness.  Only Josie had ever soothed that desolation in his heart.  She was everything to him...and now, Hannah Baker had become a threat to that.  The woman was alienating his own daughter from him.  His fists tightened by his side as he thought about that.  He should fly back to Arkansas tonight and bring his little girl home, back where she belonged.  But he couldn’t.  Josie hated to fly.  He’d have to rent a car to return to Georgia.  It wasn’t the expense that stopped him from doing that.  It was...

It was...hell, he didn’t know what it was.  Maybe, I not cut out to be a father, he thought.  He couldn’t control his child or seem to protect her from her own devices.  And he couldn’t give her the mother he knew she wanted...yearned for.  The closest he’d gotten to that was Teresa, their housekeeper, and his own mother.  Yet, neither of them were the particular role models that Josie really needed.  She needed a mother, one who cared and loved her...and for heaven’s sake, wanted her.

“I guess that means I’ll have to start dating again,” he said to his empty condo.  The thought turned his stomach.  Searching for a woman to be Josie’s mother.  It seemed so business-like, almost like a job interview.  Besides that, he didn’t know where or how to start.  There was a woman in his building that had been hinting at a date with him, and he guessed he could ask her over for a drink tonight, but...

But he didn’t want to date.  He didn’t want to be married, and he didn’t want to be single.  He just wanted to live his life the way it used to be before Josie’s attitude and pre-teen hormones started making his blood pressure rise.  

There was only one other woman who made him want to rediscover the female body and mind again...but he abhorred her.  He couldn’t get her out of his mind...but he loathed thinking about her.  He couldn’t stop his body from reacting to her image, her voice, her smile...but he revolted the thought of ever seeing her again.

However, there was one thing he coveted from Hannah.  Right after he saw her next and gave her a piece of his mind, he planned to kiss that sassy mouth of hers savagely enough to make the devil blush, just to prove to himself that she wasn’t anything special.  That all his late-night fantasies were pointless, and she wasn’t as beautiful and sexy as she seemed.

And that made him smile with grim anticipation.

*****

“Honey, what’s wrong?” Hannah asked Josie, concerned about the girl’s odd behavior on Monday afternoon.  Just that morning they had taken the other guinea pig babies back to Johnny, and it looked to be a gorgeous day.  The Fourth of July was approaching in a few days, and Josie’s grandparents invited her to the farm that night for a cook-out.  Justin was supposed to be back by then, so she wasn’t sure accepting the invitation was a good thing yet. “You’ve been holding your stomach since lunchtime.”

“It’s nothing,” Josie said with a grimace.  “Just a stomachache.  Must’ve been something I ate.”

Hannah thought back to their noon hour.  The two of them had been out and about, running errands, and stopped at a Chinese buffet restaurant for lunch.  She thought the lo mein tasted funny, but not enough to think much about it until now.  Josie ate a large helping of fried rice with shrimp in it, so it was no wonder her stomach hurt now.  Seafood on a buffet table was never a good thing.  Hannah could never tell how long the fish and stuff sat there, just waiting for some fool to come along and eat it.  Usually, she stuck with the salad bar and noodles.

“Well,” she said to Josie, “if it keeps bothering you, I’m gonna take you home.”

“I don’t want to go home,” Josie pouted and stopped rubbing her tummy.  “Daddy is getting back soon, and this might be the last time we get to see each other.”

Hannah brushed the hair off Josie’s forehead.  “I wouldn’t count on that,” she said to the girl with a smile.  “Your grandmother invited me to their house on the Fourth, so we’ll have that night, even if your dad doesn’t approve.  Besides, I can be pretty stubborn when I want to be.”

“He was really mad last time I talked to him.”

“Yeah, but he won’t stay mad forever,” Hannah assured her.  Josie gave Hannah a tremulous smile as her hand strayed absently to her stomach again.  However, Hannah didn’t have to nerve to take her back to the farm just yet.  If Justin was returning to Arkansas, then Josie should live her last hours of freedom doing just what she pleased.

Yet, it was barely an hour later, when a black pickup truck skidded through the parking lot and braked with a rutting of tire tread over pavement.  And then a very, pissed-off father jumped out.  Hannah could only hold her breath and wait for it.

*****

Twenty minutes before Justin swerved his truck into Baker’s Farm and Garden Supply, he parked outside of his parent’s farm house.  His neck ached.  His legs were cramped.  And his stomach growled.  He’d driven straight through...all the way from Savannah, a thirteen hour drive, stopping only three times for gas, snacks and bathroom breaks.  Therefore, as he emerged out of his truck with a groan, he only desired to give his daughter a great big hug and kiss, to pig-out on his mother’s down-home cooking, and to pass out on the nearest bed.  In that order.

But as soon as he saw his mother’s face, he knew all that would have to wait.  Mary Alice walked out onto the porch at the same time as he placed his booted foot on the bottom step.

“Justin, dear!” she hailed with a bright smile, but her eyes were large and round, and her face was pale.  “You’re early.  We weren’t expecting you until tomorrow.”

Justin heard the slight panic in his mother’s normally calm voice.  He closed his eyes and counted to ten before asking, “Where is she?  Where’s Josie?”

“She’s...well, she’s with a friend,” his mother explained, wiping her hands on a dishtowel.

Sighing with impatience, he studied the woman who gave birth to him, the same woman who blistered his backside when he drove his four-wheeler through Mr. Johnson’s chicken coop and bawled through a box of tissues when he left to join the navy.  She’d never been very apt at concealing her true emotions, and right now, she darted glances around the air between them, as though searching for another solution to her son’s imminent tantrum.

“I bet you’re eating holes in your stomach,” she finally blurted out.  “Come on in the house.  I’ll fix you some supper and Ronald can go get Josie from her friend’s house.”

“Mom,” Justin began wearily, but she’d already turned around, saying, “I’m roasting a chicken tonight...it’ll be ready in just a few minutes--”

“Mom!”

Mary Alice halted with her hand on the screen door’s handle, but she didn’t face her son.  Justin gritted his teeth and simply asked, “She’s with Hannah Baker, isn’t she?”

The slight nod was the only answer he needed.  With a growl and a muffled curse, he stomped back to his truck.  His mother shouted after him, “Justin Lewis Kirkland!  Don’t you be doing anything foolish, you hear me?!  Hannah Baker is a sweet girl!  And Josie doesn’t need to see her daddy acting a fool!”

His dad emerged from the barn as his mother’s words flew over his head.  Justin didn’t stop to acknowledge either of them.  Josie was supposed to be grounded.  He loved his family very much, but if they couldn’t abide by his wishes, then why should he bother to dampen his annoyance and agitation with the whole situation.  Or with them.  It had been very simple.  Josie was to stay at the farm until he finished his job with the navy and came back to get her.  He had to wonder if her punishment had been enforced at all, or if Josie managed to sweet-talk her way out of it.  Frankly, at this point, Justin wouldn’t be surprised with either scenario.

He barely remembered where the farm supply store was located, but that didn’t mean it took him any longer to get there.  Fishtailing into the parking lot, he spotted Josie and Hannah right away.  They sat under a large tree in a grassy spot, with two furry, fat, oversized rats between them.  All color drained from his daughter’s face, but he noticed that Hannah’s expression remained calm...almost resigned and waiting.

She knew I was coming.

“Good,” he said to himself as he jumped out of his truck, “then this shouldn’t be a surprise either.”

Josie scrambled to her feet.  “Daddy...I...you’re back...”

Justin stomped over to her, gave her a big hug, and said, “That’s right...I’m back.  Now get in the truck.”

“But Daddy...”

“No ‘But Daddy’,” he growled.  “You are supposed to be grounded!  Get in the truck!”

“Yes, sir,” she said meekly, and that took him back a loop.  His daughter never said, Yes, sir.  But instead of doing exactly as he said, she returned to Hannah to pick up one of the furry rodents.  “I have to go,” she told the red-haired woman and turned back to Justin with the creature in her arms.

“What is that?” he asked her.

“This is Lady, my guinea pig,” she said, cuddling the animal to her chest.

“No, it isn’t,” he said.

Josie’s eyes blinked with confusion.  “Yes, it is...Hannah gave her to me--”

“And you can give it right back,” he said, leaving no room for argument.

“But,” Josie began, her eyes filling with tears and holding her creepy pet tighter.

“I said, no buts,” Justin reaffirmed.  “I did not give you permission to get a guinea pig.  I did not give you permission to be here.  I did not give you permission to do a lot of things this summer, and yet, you are doing them anyway!  Which is why you are grounded!  All I asked is that you stayed out of trouble this summer, and what did you do?  You went and made friends with the one woman who is nothing but trouble!”

“Daaaaddy!” Josie wailed.  “That’s not fair!  Hannah is my friend!”

Justin heard enough.  He cut off Josie’s protests with a wave of his hand.  “Give that thing back and get in the truck.  I don’t want to hear another word!”

This whole time, Hannah stood back from them, her oddly calm stare making him feel uncomfortable.  She didn’t get between him and his daughter, and she didn’t react to his words with anything other than a clenching of fists.  But with his last demand, she rushed over to Josie, took the ugly, furry pig out of her hands and pulled her into a quick hug.  Justin heard what Hannah whispered to Josie, “It’ll be okay...he won’t stay mad forever,” and that only made him madder than he was.  What did she know about how long he could stay angry at her?

Josie was sobbing loudly when she broke away from Hannah and raced to his truck.  Justin had to swallow his words of comfort and apology for her.  He really didn’t want to break her heart this way, but she needed to learn some respect for his rules.

“I hope you’re happy,” Hannah hissed at him when the truck door slammed shut.  Justin glanced at her.  “She’s done nothing wrong...nothing!  Other than try to make the best of an undesirable situation.”

“Do not try to tell me how to raise my daughter,” he shot back at Hannah.  Taking a menacing step toward her, he added, “I specifically told you to stay away from her--”

“And yet, you are punishing her for it,” Hannah spat at him.  Her eyes were glowing with anger, and the wind picked up strands of her hair, making it look like waves of fire around her face in the sunlight.  She was ravishing like that.  Dammit.

“I am punishing her for not heeding my requests this summer,” he returned, shaking off the bolts of lust entering his system and wondering why the hell he was explaining himself to this woman.  “You, I’ll get to later.”

Hannah barked out a bitter laugh.  “You are not my father, so I don’t have to do a damn thing you tell me.”

“We’ll see,” he warned her, saw that there was a crowd of men gathering out of the warehouse building, eying him with disdain, so he saluted Hannah and her denim-clad army...and got the hell away from her.

Josie cried the whole way back to the farm.  She rubbed tears off her face and clenched her stomach and refused to look at him at all.  As soon as he parked outside his parents’ home, she ran from the truck and into the house.  He could hear her bedroom door slam from out in the yard.  His mother sat on the front porch rocking, and rushed after her granddaughter after shooting her son a disappointed look.  Justin sighed, his anger completely gone and replaced with regret, and followed after them.  He went up the stairs and down the hall and knocked on the door.

“Go away!”

“Josie, sweetie,” Justin called through the wooden panels.  “Let me in so we can talk.”

“Go away!  I don’t want to talk to you!”

“Are you upset about that guinea pig?” he asked, wondering if he made a mistake about that.  It was just a small pet.  How hard could it be for a thirteen-year-old to take care of it?

“Yes!” Josie shouted.  “You’ve ruined my life!  Go away!  I never want to see you again!”

Through the door, he could hear his mother trying to soothe Josie, but mostly he just heard his precious daughter crying her heart out.  He felt like a heel.  But he couldn’t do talk to her until she calmed down, so he slowly descended the stairs to the front room.  His dad was putting his hat on his head and walking out the door.

That’s when he thought about all the other times his dad seemed to have ignored the unpleasant going-ons in this family.  He knew that Ronald Kirkland didn’t like to fuss or argue or make a big deal about a lot of things, but surely, this would be one of those times when he should have told Justin how much of a jackass he was being.  Or at least, how disappointed he was in him.  Instead, the old man was getting into his beat-up Chevy and driving away.

An hour later, Justin was sitting on the bottom step, still waiting for Josie and his mother to come out of the bedroom when his dad arrived home with a small pet carrier tucked under one arm.  “Dad?  What...?”

His dad hung up his hat on the coat rack and brushed past Justin to the stairs, never saying a word.  He knocked gently on the door of Josie’s room, murmured something Justin didn’t hear...and two seconds later, Josie burst out, smiling and happy and laughing and hugging her grandfather before taking the pet carrier out of his hands.  Justin groaned.  Josie went back into her bedroom, and his dad went back down the stairs.

“Why did you do that?” he asked his dad, following the man into the kitchen.

His dad poured himself a glass of tea and turned to study his oldest son.  “It seems you forgot to bring home my guinea pig,” his father announced.

“Your guinea pig?”

“Of course...they make wonderful pets.  But Josie’s the expert.  She’s been taking care of her for me.”

"Of course, she has," Justin commented, but when his dad didn't add to that, he asked, “What else have ya'll been hiding from me while I was gone?"

The only answer was a startled cry from upstairs.  His mother yelled out, "Justin!  Justin, come here!"

When Mary Alice's voice panicked like that, both Justin and his dad knew there was a problem.  Justin ran through the house, his boots thundering on the hardwood floors and carpeted treads of the stairs.  His dad was only a step behind.

"What's wrong?" he asked bursting into Josie's room.  He barely registered the changes in decorations from the last few weeks.  All he saw was his daughter, huddled on the bed, clutching her stomach in pain.  Her cheeks were devoid of any color and sweat coated her body, making her hair stick to her scalp.

“She said her stomach’s been hurting all afternoon.  It's her appendix, I'm sure," his mom announced, digging around Josie's dresser and tossing bits of clothing into a duffle bag.  "We need to get her to the hospital."

Justin braced a knee on the mattress next to his daughter.  He'd never felt such fear for what obviously caused her such agony, or experienced such remorse for the way he acted earlier, not knowing she must have been hurting the whole time he yelled at her.  He couldn’t imagine how something like an inflamed appendix felt.  He still had his.  “Mom?” he asked, tucking one arm under Josie’s legs and the other around her back, “Are you sure that’s what this is?”

His mother stopped long enough to give him an acerbic stare.  “Yes, I’m sure,” she replied.  Good enough for him.

"Josie, honey," he said, cradling her body in his arms.  He staggered when he picked her up.  It had been a long time since he held her like this.  She wasn't a little girl anymore.  "We're taking you to the doctor, okay?  Just hang on for a bit."

"Daddy," she moaned pitifully, "it hurts."

"I know, sweetie," he said, kissing her crown and getting watery around the tear ducts, "I know...but we'll be there before you know it."

He carried her down the stairs and out to his truck.  Gently laying her in the passenger side, he made sure she was comfortable as possible before racing around to the driver’s side.  His mom threw Josie’s duffel bag in the back and said, “We’ll meet you there.  Be careful.”

Justin’s hands were shaking as he turned the ignition.  All he could hear was his baby’s moaning and whimpers of pain.  Hang on, sweetie...hang on...