Eccentric ✓

Chapter Twelve

Chapter Twelve

What am I doing?

Bill was sitting on the closed lid of the toilet seat in one of the men's bathrooms in the precinct, phone clutched in his hand, screen bright where it showed Oliver's name and number, his thumb hovering over the message button.

Warning bells were sounding in Bill's head as he contemplated texting the alpha to ask if he could spend the night again.

Have you lost your mind, Bill? Remember what happened the last time you got involved with an alpha? And the time before that, and the one before that, and the one before that –

Bill sighed, clicking the button on the side to darken the screen, then buried his face in his hands, clenching his eyes shut. All the other alphas he'd been with had been ashamed of their desires – not exactly their fault considering society's views on the matter – but it had all gone relatively well and dandy until they realised Bill wasn't quite –

Bill's breath hitched, and he clenched his eyes shut tighter.

Oliver wouldn't be like that.

That's what you said about the last alpha. And the one before that, and the one before that –

"Ugh," he groaned aloud, thunking his head against the wall behind him.

His 'relationships' only seemed to work when he was being degraded by whoever was fucking him, because the alphas couldn't take the guilt of being attracted to him, so they treated it like it was his fault somehow, and punished him – and themselves, in a way – by acting like assholes.

"We can call it practice, for when we meet our mates in the future. We don't need to tell anyone."

For the first time in what felt like forever, Bill didn't shiver with revulsion and want to claw at his skin at the memory. The shame was still there, and so was the self-loathing, but even more was a fresh wave of anger and hatred for Damien himself.

They'd been what, fifteen? Sixteen? And Damien had been just as fucked up as he was so Bill had thought it was the perfect match at the time. Damien was attracted to alphas, but when they were kids, the phenomenon of alphas being attracted to other alphas had been treated even worse than they were now.

Bill was obviously attracted to alphas, but with all the confusion surrounding his gender, he should've expected things with Damien would never have gone well. The second Bill had even hinted that perhaps maybe he didn't want to be an alpha and felt like his gender was wrong, Damien had dropped him like hot coal.

Okay, wait, no.

First he'd used, abused and treated Bill like trash; until Bill started hating and doubting himself – then he'd dropped Bill like hot coal.

And like the weak creature that he was, Bill kept getting involved in these unhealthy relationships that always left him feeling strained and broken.

None of the alphas ever understood. What made him think Oliver would be different? Why the fuck was he so desperate for approval? So desperate to feel – to feel what? What did he care? He didn't need anyone to tell him who he was – he knew who he was. Didn't he?

"Ugh," he groaned again, pressing his palms against his eyes when he felt them smart.

He startled when he heard the bathroom door slam open, his spine straightening.