Crumbs (a Tom Hiddleston fanfic)

Rainwater and Mud

The field to the cottage has turned into a muddy, grassy mess, but I move through it faster than I’ve ever moved before.  My feet are squishing inches deep into the mud and water.  Tom is right at my side, but I can barely see him through the crazy, frantic rain that is falling. I can just feel him.  We are already soaked through.  My hair is plastered to my head, and my shirt and jeans are completely wet.  It feels more like swimming, rather than walking through rain.

I’m nearly halfway to the cottage, I can see it just down the hill, when I feel Tom grab my arm.  He spins me around and I am suddenly nearly nose to nose with him.  He’s soaked as well, the rain has flattened his hair against his head.  Water droplets roll down his face, over his cheekbones and down the hollows of his cheeks.  I flinch slightly when he grabs me and when I turn we are so close I can see the heavy way he’s breathing, and the water droplets clinging to his eyelashes.

“What is going on, Charlie?!” He yells to be heard over the storm.  Still, I can barely hear him.  The rain, the thunder, my own thoughts, are all pounding through my head.  I wrench my arm out of his grip, though he’s not holding me that tightly.

“I don’t know!” I scream back.  He looks angry now, and I don’t know that I’ve ever really seen him look like that.  Never at me.  It scares me.  It worries me.  I hold back a sob and am eternally grateful that the rain is hiding my tears.

“What do you mean? Who the hell is that guy?!” Tom yells.  I can barely comprehend the fact that we are standing in the middle of a field during a hurricane. I want to say that this is all some terrible nightmare, but no…it’s real.  No amount of pinching is going to wake me up from this. 

“Is he your husband? Charlie?” His voice softens and his eyes look frantic, wounded.  Hurt.  It breaks my heart, because he is the absolute last person I would ever want to hurt. I can’t seem to speak, but he waits.

“For fucks sake, Charlie?! Are you married?!” He takes a step back, frustrated.  The rain pounds between us, and overhead another boom of thunder makes me jump.  It’s cold, and I am already shivering, despite myself.  My teeth chatter, and I feel as if I’m just rattling around.  Empty. Cold.

“I…” I start, but it’s hard to talk because my mouth feels numb.  The wind gusts and we both brace against it.  The rain stings as it flies sideways into our eyes.  Tom pulls his hood up, though it offers little protection.  He crosses his arms over his chest, his broad shoulders a stark line against the gray sky.

“I was married to Chase.  I’m…I’m not anymore.” I finally manage.  I feel sick as I say it.  Tom glares at me for what seems like the longest few minutes of my life, and then he just turns and walks away.  He’s a tall, thin black figure amongst a gray sky and murky brown green grass.  He moves quickly as he gets farther and farther away.  I stay back for only a moment, before another crack of thunder pushes me into action, and I follow him toward the cottage.

**** 

By the time I reach the cottage, it is raining so hard that it’s just running down my face and body.  I run inside the cottage and stand dripping on the hardwood floor.  The cottage is eerily quiet, save for the sound of the pounding rain outside.  It’s damp and cold inside, and I am shivering from being wet and upset.  I’m really not sure what to do with myself.  My brain is a mangle of thoughts, like a collision of cars at rush hour.  No one knows what to do, where to go, who to talk to.  It’s chaos.

Tom isn’t inside, and I see him outside the building, closing up shutters and moving things around.  I watch him for a minute, hypnotized by the sight of the gray, cold rain and his moving figure.  I want so badly to explain to him.  I want so badly to rewind and tell him everything from the very beginning.