Coffee & Nerves (boyxboy)

[17] What You Do To Me

The muscles in his jaw clench as he grits his teeth.

"About earlier..." I start to say, then stop.

The words leave my mouth and as soon as they do, I know that I just made a stupid move. I had wished I could just stay in Jack's embrace, continuing with whatever intense, heated staring contest we had been in, but no, I had to mess it up.

I also am very aware that mentioning what happened earlier to Jack would only backfire, but our last conversation in my bedroom left so many of my questions unanswered. The logical side of me knows that this is my best chance to squeeze some explanation from Jack on why he was so angry at me for defending Max earlier, but my emotional side, the one filled with teenage hormones, says differently.

I like the way my skin is tingles with his touch, the way his hot breath fans my cheek, the way his hands loosen and tighten slightly around me like I'm fragile; it takes a tremendous amount of restraint on my part to speak and disrupt our... moment?

It was something... it's fragile and unstable. I don't know what it is, but it involves his body pressed flush up against mine and I want more than anything for it to stay that way. But I know I have to figure out what happened earlier, even if it means I have to force it out of an agitated Jack. Even if it means I ruined whatever this is right now. I can't go on with all of this tension that I'm unable to decipher the meaning of. I can't tell if it's the sexual type of tension or the he-actually-hates-me-as-a-person type of tension.

So I look up tentatively at him, the anger etched on his features evident, obviously agitated by my mention of the touchy subject.

What happens next? What do I want to happen next? Do I want him to apologize? Should I apologize? I don't know. All I know is that I can feel the hostility between us and I want it gone. Now. But he doesn't seem to share to desire; at least, that I can tell.

He releases me to pinch the space between his brows, but stays standing up against me. His tense facial expression instinctively causes me to reach out, tentatively, with my recently freed hand to caress his face. My fingers brush lightly against his cheekbone, but he jerks away from my touch like it's fire with a look of... disgust? I scoff, offended. I try my best to be mad about it but I'm more hurt than anything at the thought that Jack is repulsed by me.

He pushes off the wall and now that he's fully separated himself from me, the abrupt lack of physical contact makes me feel cold and numb. It's like my limbs forgot how to move. My body stops functioning properly when I'm around Jack, but whereas I'm too stunned to move, Jack is an energizer bunny bouncing off the walls.

He's pacing the room with anxious, angry energy that seems to be directed toward restraining himself from doing something. The reason that I'm thinking this is his current body language: a vain is popping out of his forehead, his teeth are clenched tight together, his hands are balled into tight fists at his side whenever they aren't forcefully massaging his temples or running through his damp jet-black locks.

My room isn't very large... and because he apparently despises touching me, his pacing circle is quite small and oddly shaped, causing his feet to make harsh imprints on my rug at every turn.

Eventually, he backs up to slide down the wall by my bed and wraps his arms around his knees. His face displays pure anguish as he bangs his head back on the wall behind him in frustration. My words feel stuck in my throat.

Why is he hurting himself?

"Don't do that," I command, my voice portraying false confidence. I don't want to scare him away, but there is no way in hell I'm going to let him take out his anger on himself or my wall. He listens to my plea and stops moving, his head hung in defeat and his face hidden from view, shielded by his strong arms.

When he doesn't respond, I clear my throat and take a step toward him.

"Look, you're the one that dragged me in here," I point out, my lips turned into a pout.

I crouch down and sit next to him on the floor. "And while I do enjoy the silent treatment, I hadn't realized I'd done anything to you."

At this, he throws his head back and laughs dryly, "You think you didn't do anything to me?"

I furrow my eyebrows in confusion at his statement. This causes another dry laugh to exit his mouth. Black locks of hair cascade back down in front of his eyes as he shakes his head at my confused look. This only frustrates me further and my whole face scrunches up with anger.

He shifts sideways, his broad, muscular chest angles toward me, his shoulder pressed up against the wall so he can lean his head up against the wall.

Now facing me, I can see that he has a very different expression on his face than before. His deep chestnut orbs roam over my body, taking me in, soaking up my appearance and igniting something deep inside me.

My breath leaves my body as his hazel eyes lock onto mine.

He whispers,

"You have no idea the things you do to me"

------

AN: Hello! I hope you had a wonderful weekend and Monday hasn't been too awful so far.

I was gone at a family reunion from Thursday morning and just got back late last night so this has been a highly anticipated update to do on my end. I'm also super excited to continue this intensity. I hope you enjoy it! (I'll edit it later)

UPDATE ON THINGS:

I'm thinking I want to eventually rewrite this book in past tense because I've been doing present tense mostly and it's kinda a pain in my butt, but I don't want to do that right now.

I also want to change the length of the chapters from earlier in the book, but it's too late for that now because I'd lose all of your wonderful comments.

I'm thinking I'll create a second book (of the events in this book) from Jack's point of view and the writing will be significantly improved, hopefully, and the plot will make more sense. Then I'll rewrite this and publish that updated, newer version before or around the same time as Jack's story.

What do you all think???

By the way, no need to worry that this book is ending soon, there is still plenty left in store for Jack and Spencer-- at least 5 chapters.

Love,

Leah