Thirty Four

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A/N: Yes, I know I owe updates on my other fics. However...this one is super, super close to 100,000 reads, and I couldn't help but do an extra surprise update to hope that this helps us get there! I'll do a whole mushy letter once we actually do, but oh my god, y'all. One hundred THOUSAND READS? WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK? Y'ALL LIKE MY SHITTY WRITING THAT MUCH? Wow. I love you. You're incredible. We stan. Okay, on with the chapter!

TW: mentions of eating disorders. Be safe, babies!

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"Justin?" Niall asks sleepily, blinking himself awake. Movement in the bed is what woke him up.

"Shh, angel. Go back to sleep," Justin says gently, smoothing his hair down. "Didn't mean to wake you up. It's way too early for you to be awake."

"What are you doing up then?" Niall rolls over to check the clock and is astonished to see its 4:25am. "Jay?" he adds when Justin doesn't respond right away.

Justin lets out a shaky sigh. "I couldn't sleep, I was just going to try calling Zayn's phone again. Don't mind me, angel. Go back to sleep, really."

"No," Niall says. "Not unless you do, too."

Justin sighs and sits back down on the bed. Niall inches closer, leans his cheek against Justin's back. "Baby, when I'm anxious like this, I'm lucky if I get two or three hours of sleep. Now, you go back to sleep, okay? I'm gonna call him quick and then I'll come back to cuddle with you."

Niall lets him go, watching after one of the men he loves with worried eyes. Worry for both of them is so heavy it makes his stomach hurt, but he curls up under the blankets and squeezes his eyes shut. He can hear Justin pacing in the hallway, his voice, low and shaky on the phone. Niall's stomach clenches harder.

"Hey, Zee...I..." A shaky inhale. "Fuck. Come home, okay? I can't — I can't fucking breathe without you here, okay? I can't fucking handle myself. I'm trying to keep it together because Niall is here, and he's scared, too, but...but I'm having a really, really hard time. I can barely sleep. So, just...just come home, you stupid fuck. Okay?" Another shaky breath, more of a wheeze. "I love you, Zayn. Come back home to us."

Niall isn't sure when his stomach shot past pain and straight into nausea, but then he's scrambling over the bed into the bathroom, heaving over the toilet.

"Shit," Justin's voice says, and Niall is startled because he hadn't even heard him come into the bathroom. He hands Niall a towel to wipe his face, and Niall just kneels there, tears in his eyes, biting his lip to keep them from running down his cheeks. "Hey, baby. It's okay. It's completely okay," Justin coos, and he sits on the floor after flushing the toilet, pulling Niall into his lap. He doesn't care about how hard Niall is shaking, or the bit of vomit on his shirt, he just cradles him in his lap.

"Sorry," Niall hiccups, and somehow, that word breaks the dam. He bursts into tears, and then Justin is crying, too, just two soft boys having a panic attack on the bathroom floor. Justin is crying so hard his sobs jostle Niall's head resting on his chest. Niall's sobs are softer, but he's still burying his face in Justin's neck.

"Okay. Okay," Justin says carefully as the sobs soften in his chest. Niall is still trembling, hands pressed forcefully against his eyes. "Okay, look at me, Niall. I've got you, sweet boy." Niall forces himself to uncover his face, and Justin gently thumbs his tears away.

"Sorry," Niall says again.

"Hey, no, nothing to be sorry for, love. It's a stressful situation. Plus, I just lost it just as bad as you, huh?"

"But I threw up."

"No big deal. Everyone throws up. I threw up on my third date with Zee. Food poisoning. And he fucking married me. So you've got nothing to worry about." Niall cracks a half-smile. "Besides, what's more intimate than having a full-on panic attack in front of your partner, huh? I'm more in love with you than ever after that." Niall finally laughs, and Justin grins, too.

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