Baby Boy | Zustiall AU [COMPLETE]

Thirty Six

TW: mentions of attempted non-consensual sex

"What?" Justin asks carefully, blood draining from his face. The guilt makes Niall's stomach hurt, but he knows it's true, and he can't lie to them. "You...want to break up? Why? Is it me? Did I do something? It's usually my fault. I'm so – I'm so sorry, I –"

"No! No, it's not your fault," Niall interrupts, hands shaking. He doesn't know how to deal with this. "It's not your fault. I...I love both of you. You know I do. I just..." He rubs his eyes. "So much has happened in our relationship. Alex, and Zee, you being gone...I don't know. It's just like...ever since we got together, it's just been chaos. There's no moments of rest or anything. I...I don't know. It seems like we're going through too much too fast..."

"Sweetheart," Zayn says in a low voice, and he sounds so sad, and it makes Niall sob. "No, baby, don't cry," he adds quickly, but there are tears in his voice, and that just makes Niall cry harder. "Angel, we can figure something out. We can work this out."

"Ni, baby, we don't have to do this," Justin says quickly, trying to uncover his face, but Niall refuses to move his hands. "Won't you please look at me?"

Niall shakes his head. "I...I love both of you. But I can't keep doing this...there's so much chaos, and it's all my fault. It's all my fault."

"None of this is your fault," Zayn says quickly. "Look...angel, if breaking up with us is really what you wanna do, we'll leave you be. We promised we would. But...if you want to take a break first, we would understand that, too. It's your call, baby." Zayn cups Niall's cheek in one hand. "God, baby...we just want you to be happy. That's what we've wanted since day one. It's your call, okay?" Niall finally manages to look up at Zayn's face, and he's wiping away a few tears with one hand, which makes Niall's eyes well up all over again.

"What do you think about that, angel?" Justin asks softly. "Whatever you choose, we'll be okay with, I promise." Zayn nods, too, and Niall sniffles.

"I guess that would be okay," he says slowly, chewing on his lower lip. "Maybe that's best."

- - -

Three weeks pass excruciatingly. Niall stays in bed for most of it, both too tired and emotionally drained to deal with what he's feeling. He tells Liam not to worry about it, that it's just a break, but Liam is really worried.

"You haven't left the house in ages," Liam notes worriedly, sitting at Niall's bedside. He runs a hand through Niall's hair affectionately, leans down to kiss his forehead. "I'm worried about you."

"I'm okay," Niall tries to assure him, managing a weak half-smile. "Tired, really tired, but I'm fine."

"You've been sleeping all day."

"Yeah, I know..."

"Niall –"

Niall immediately shakes his head. "No, don't do that, okay? I'm gonna be fine. I just...I just need to figure myself out. I need to make sure this relationship is something I want, you know? I don't know."

"I get that," Liam nods. "It's reasonable to want to wait and figure all that out."

"I want to be with them," Niall adds, quieter. "But so much has happened after we got together. So much chaos.  I...I wasn't prepared for it to be this hard. That's the truth. I expected normal bumps in the road...but Alex? And all the problems I caused with my anxiety? So much of it is my fault." He plays with a stray thread on his comforter. "It's always my fault."

"Niall, no, it isn't. They wouldn't want you feeling that way. Your anxiety isn't your fault. Your anxiety-based reactions aren't your fault. Alex's actions weren't your fault. However, now you know how to deal with these things, right? You take your meds, you discuss what's bothering you. You communicate. I know you're scared, but those two men love you, and you love them back. You and I both know you do. You also know I wouldn't let you run headfirst into anything that I thought would hurt you."