Solving for Ex

Chapter 18

Chapter Eighteen

a little amusement among ourselves

The party was that Saturday night. I’d convinced Kristin and Bruce that I didn’t want to make a big deal out of anything, and thankfully, they had listened to me, just bringing my favorite almond-mocha cake out at the end of cooking my favorite dinner Friday night. They had tickets to the opera on Saturday night anyway, she said, and when I told her my friends were planning something, a look of happy relief swept her face.

“Brendan and Julia are taking you out?”

“No. Um…Vincent.”

“Vincent?”

“He wanted to throw a party for me.”

“Why?”

I shrugged. “I don’t know. Is it so crazy that someone would want to have a party for me?”

“No, honey, you know that’s not what I meant. It’s just that you normally don’t like that sort of thing.”

What was it with all these people trying to tell me what I did and did not like? What I was and was not supposed to want? Yeah, I felt a little jittery at the idea of a hundred kids from school, most who barely knew me, standing around and staring at me as I blew out the candles on a birthday cake. But maybe Vincent was right. Maybe I did need to branch out.

But I couldn’t say any of that to Aunt Kristin. Maybe because I didn’t want to talk about it, and maybe because I didn’t really believe it myself. “Anyway, I’ll be out late. But it sounds like you will, too.”

“Speaking of that, I need to duck upstairs to get ready. You’ll be okay?

I waved my phone. “Yep.”

“All right. While you’ve got that thing on you, call your mom, too. Okay? She’s been texting, checking up on you through me. I tell her you’re great, but it’s not the same as hearing from you.”

I gave her a halfhearted smile. If Mom wanted to talk to me, she could just call me. But I really didn’t want to have that conversation now. “Will do.”

I spent the rest of the day getting ready for my birthday party. Even thinking those words felt so weird. Especially because I knew nothing about it, aside from Vincent’s promise to treat me like a princess while at the same time keeping it completely chill. I stared at that closet, wondering how a chill princess would dress at her birthday party.

I thought about Brendan saying I didn’t like parties, and Aunt Kristin. How I didn’t like being the center of attention. I looked down at my broken-in jeans, plain flats, and graphic tee. I definitely looked like someone who didn’t enjoy parties.

What would happen if I spent tonight trying to be someone no one thought I was? I wondered how much of me was really me or how much of me was trying to conform to what I’d already made people think I was. I wondered how much of that was keeping me away from who I could be, like Vincent said.

Okay. So maybe I’d try to look like a chill princess who loved birthday parties. Maybe I’d actually try to have fun.

Half an hour later, and surrounded by piles of clothes, most of which I’d accumulated in the ten months that had lapsed since I’d first moved here, I stood in front of my full-length mirror and admired myself. I’d found a pale pink  lace skirt that  puffed out from my waist, making me look like I probably had more hips than I actually did, and stopped a couple inches above my knee, which made my legs look longer than they actually were. I’d snagged a gold-brown wrap top from Kristin’s closet and dug out some bright gold flats that I’d always been too scared to wear with anything for fear I’d stand out. Tonight, that’s what I wanted to do. I really did feel exactly how I wanted to—understated, pretty, a little fancy. I popped my hip out and did my little lip-bite thing.