Solving for Ex

Chapter 31

Chapter Thirty-one

as secure as earthly happiness can be

I had to be alone. Really, really alone. After she’d driven all the way out to get me and all the way home in silence, Aunt Kristin would want to know what was wrong. Uncle Bruce would just try to make jokes with me. I needed space. To breathe, and to be. And I needed Brendan.

As always, the one thing I couldn’t have.

The only completely empty, close by, covered place was Brendan’s porch. I dashed over from ours, and in the eight seconds it took me to reach it, a layer of rain clung to my shirt and hair.

I couldn’t get the image of him out of my mind. Shaking his head back and forth, staring at me, staring at Sofia. At least he didn’t defend her. That was something.

Sheets of rain sliced through the air, and rivers of it bubbled and ran through the street. The steady hiss of the downpour matched my mood, at least. I leaned my elbows on the porch rail and glared at the white froth it made when it crashed into the concrete, letting the sound wash over me. Until it was interrupted by blinding headlights.

He stepped out of the car, and my heart thudded to a stop. His Mathletes polo was soaked through, his hair wet and dark.

“What the hell? Don’t you have an umbrella?” I shouted over the noise of the storm.

“I was looking for you,” he shouted back as he jogged toward the house. “I would have driven you back, but you ran out of there so fast, and I still had to take care of team stuff. One of the other kids said they saw someone pick you up.”

“What about Sofia?”

“What about her?”

“Did she get home?”

“I have no clue. And I don’t give a shit. Told her as much before the competition.” He reached the porch, and swiped at the rain that ran in rivulets down his forehead.

I stared at him. “What are you saying?”

He looked steadily back at me. “I’m saying I told her there was nothing between us. In no uncertain terms.”

I had no idea what to say to that, so I just stood there, trying to keep the giddy smile I could feel building from taking over my whole face.

“Where did you go?” I finally asked.

“Where do you think? Where you always go when you think I won’t go after you.”

“The water tower?”

He nodded, running his hands back through his hair.

“Do you think I’d climb the water tower with a storm coming in? What, do you think I’m an idiot?”

“No. No, I’ve never thought you were an idiot. I swear. I may have made a lot of mistakes, but I never made that one.” He stood there, cast in the weird yellow of the porch light against the deep gray sky, his expression pleading

“You were right about Sofia, okay?” His voice dropped and softened. “You were always right.” He stepped toward me, gingerly, like he was afraid of spooking me, then reached down and took my hand. “But if you're always right, then I feel like shit ever being wrong. And right now, I need to tell you that I was wrong. And I need you to still like me. Or at least not to hate me.”

My chest fell, and air rushed out. I squeezed his hand. “Brendan. I could never hate you. And believe me, I wanted to a couple times in the past month or so.” His face twisted, like I’d stabbed him or kicked him or something.