Everywhere, All At Once

Chapter 26 - Forgiveness is a Nice Thing to Do

 "And you actually believe him?"

Kenna had called Noelle as soon as she'd gotten home from her encounter with James. She was more disappointed about skipping out on the movies she'd planned to watch than she'd expected, but now thta she was home with a bottle of wine, she could relax on the couch with the same movies on a smaller screen.

"I don't know. I think I do," Kenna answered honestly, pouring herself a second glass of Reisling.

"Even after everything he's done to you?" Noelle asked, incredulous.

"I was wondering why you weren't yelling at me yet."

"Well if I had any inkling that you would take that dipshit back, I'd be more worried, and definitely mad. But I know you're happy where you are, so I'm only slightly mad."

"It was in a public place. I knew he wouldn't do anything to me there."

"Oh, and how about when you were leaving? Getting in your car? Unlocking your front door? Did you know he wouldn't do anything then?"

Oh, there it is.

Kenna sighed. "No, I didn't know, not really. But I believed him. And before you go crazy," Kenna added, cutting off Noelle's protests, "asking me how I could possibly believe him, just listen. I didn't forgive him. Not verbally, I mean. I don't trust him. We didn't leave there on 'good terms' or besties or something. But I do know that sometimes decent people do bad things. That's life, and that doesn't necessarily make him evil."

"Fuck that noise, he's an abuser, Kenna."

"Yes, he is, but I believe he meant it when he said he was sorry, and I'm hoping and praying that he gets the help he needs and changes how he treats people. I have the little bit of closure I needed and now I can move on completely."

"How is he supposed to change if you don't give him consequences for his behavior?" Noelle asked, incredulous. "And then when he goes and hurts someone else? What then? Will you be able to handle that guilt?"

"It's not my fucking responsibility to give him consequences, Noelle. Yes, he hurt me - mentally, emotionally, and then physically at the end. So now my only responsibility is to get past it. For myself. To make sure nothing like that ever happens to me again. To move on. I won't waste my own energy making sure he's punished so he doesn't hurt the next girl. Goddamn, talk about victim-blaming. What he chooses to do after this has nothing the fuck to do with me, so don't try to guilt me into filing a report or pressing charges to ease theoretical guilt that doesn't even belong to me because I'm fucking done." Kenna took in large lungfuls of air, and Noelle was silent on the other end of the line.

"You're right. I'm sorry," Noelle murmured. It didn't matter anyway. Apology or not, Kenna was pissed. Her mental and emotional well-being were a hundred times more important than getting revenge, or making James take responsibility, or whatever Noelle thought pressing charges might actually accomplish.

"Let's just talk later," Kenna said, drained.

"Okay then," Noelle agreed, and hung up. This was the closest they'd ever gotten to being in a fight. Kenna would worry about that later or tomorrow, too. Right now, she wanted two things - her wine and to empty her mind of everything but the movie in front of her.

Noelle wasn't wrong, though. Kenna had no doubts or misgivings about what she'd said - James and his actions were not her problem, and now that he'd apologized and promised he'd be leaving her alone, she was fully ready to move on from that chapter of her life. She had something pure and good now. Someone pure and good. Someone who would never hurt a hair on her head and she knew that with her entire body, heart, and soul. But Noelle still wasn't wrong. And Kenna thought that, probably for a long time, she would be wondering if she'd made the right choice.