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6.5/10: Shire Bottom Chronicles

A group of young adults try to unlock the secrets behind supernatural activity in a remote Idaho town.

COVER: It doesn't look like there was much effort put into the cover. I think I saw somewhere that someone made the cover for you? No disrespect to them -- it's really cute and all and sweet of them to make it -- but if you go to the forums (wattpadwriters.com) you'll be able to find someone who can make you a much better one for a small payment. Nothing good comes for free, right? I just feel like the cover looks like those basic wattpad generated ones, and especially here on wattpad, that's not good. Books are judged by their cover; there's no disputing that.

GRAMMAR: Small comma splices in the first chapter, errors in the punctuation around dialogue, and run-on sentences here and there were all that I spotted. Nice sentence structure -- pardoning the punctuation errors here and there -- and phrasing. Kudos to you. I felt like I had just picked up a book from the library and was scanning over the first page. Clearly whoever wrote this isn't any kind of novice. It was nice to read, although I really did feel like the scary bits were lacking that chills-down-my-spine effect -- that goosebumps-on-my-arms and head-under-the-covers effect.

In the second and third chapters, I saw a few punctuation errors and run-on sentences. I would get a second set of eyes to look it over and point them out for you (maybe make a google docs document and share it with them on comment only so that they can suggest the edits that need to be made? or something like that so that you can see exactly what is being changed to what in order to prevent from making the same mistake later on), especially since they're only minor mistakes sprinkled about.

CONTENT: I read the first chapter. I'm not someone that scares easily, so it was no surprise that I read this without batting an eye. Some people commented that they were scared; that's a good thing, if that's what you're aiming for. It just didn't have that effect on me. I like the way it's writ, though. The second chapter didn't disappoint.

I ate the second and third chapter right up. I'm a little surprised at how...not bad this is. It's pretty good, I must say, which begs the question: what is up with the cover and the description? They are so underwhelming and do not fit the story at all so far. Please get a new cover and write up a new description, this story deserves more reads than it currently has. I love the vampire element that was slipped in like there was no shock factor at all about it. So far, only one character seems to be out of the loop while everyone else is casually filled in on the fact that bloodsuckers live and breathe in their city.

NOTES: First impression wasn't a good one. Before even opening the story, the description + the cover did not draw me in. It's short, cute, and sweet, a straight-to-the-point kind of thing, but I highly doubt it will draw people in the way a more detailed description would. Keep that sentence and just add a small paragraph to pull people in right before it. The sentence that you have is more of a tag-line than a description.

Skipped Character Glossary. Maybe instead of creating this you should just focus on a few characters instead? It allows for better character development. I personally would find it so annoying to have to go back and look at an index of characters to figure out who the person is; that should be told throughout the story.

Also, as this is a co-write between you and your niece -- and since I don't know how old your niece is -- I feel uncomfortable reviewing it. I don't know if she knows I'm writing this, but if you were to show her or if she were to read it somehow and she never consented to wanting this, it could put a dent in her morale. I'll do three chapters, though, because you've been waiting so long for this review.

OVERALL: I went into this story with a bias because of the cover and the description, and I hate myself for that. It's my fault and it's also yours. Please upgrade, please. I wish I hadn't had that bias. Despite my predisposed judgement, I enjoyed reading this a lot. I'll continue reading on my own time, so be prepared for votes here and there throughout the next few weeks. Thank you so much for requesting. Tell your niece that she's a fantastic writer and that she should keep doing what she's doing.

RATING: 6.5/10