Malec Fanfic

Chapter 14

As Magnus led Alec through the house, he stopped at a mini bar, collecting a bottle of rum as they made their way to Magnus' bedroom. The house had a pleasant atmosphere, so inviting and cozy, yet not at all overly extravagant. "We can talk in here", Magnus said just before opening the door to reveal his bedroom. To Alec's surprise, the room looked more like a teenage boy's room than a rock stars'. It was so... normal. There were random instruments sprawled across the room, as well as several articles of clothing and books. The walls were covered in band posters and the desk in the corner had sheet music spread across the wood surface. Magnus moved straight to the desk, opening the drawer and pulling out a scotch glass, pouring himself a drink and moving straight to the bed to take a seat. Alec was still standing in the middle of the room, continuing to take in his surroundings. Magnus sat and watched as Alec looked around, finally speaking up. "Ok you have to say something", Magnus eventually blurted out. "Oh sorry", Alec replied, suddenly realizing Magnus might have found his silence strange. "It's just so...ordinary", Alec said with a chuckle. "And I mean that as compliment", Alec continued, walking slowly toward Magnus sitting on the edge of the bed. "Can I sit next to you Magnus?", Alec almost whispered as he stood in front of the shy rock star. Magnus nodded slightly, downing his glass and pouring another as Alec removed his shoes and sat cross-legged in front of him. "So what did you want to tell me Magnus?", Alec asked, trying to present a non-judgmental tone. Magnus slowly turned to his date, facing him on the bed as he took a deep breath and began to speak. "I wanted to tell you my story...why I am the way that I am", the man continued, looking down as he spoke.

"I'm letting you know now that this is hard to talk about, and pretty unpleasant to hear, but I feel that I can trust you, Alexander", Magnus uttered, looking up and into the man's eyes. "You can", Alec replied, wanting his sincerity to come across. Magnus then closed his eyes once more, took a deep breath, and began to share his story. "To say that I had an unsettling childhood would be an understatement. I grew up with a father who abused my mother. Every day he would beat her and throw her around the house. I felt powerless and out of control. I felt guilty that I couldn't protect her". Alec couldn't believe what he was hearing, reaching out to grab Magnus' hand in comfort as he continued his story. "As I grew older, I tried to defend my mother, but she ordered me to stay out of it, because every time I did, he would hit me as well. So I listened to her, not wanting to hurt her more. Because of this, I became very depressed, never leaving my room, and just pouring myself into my music, wanting to escape from the world around me. But eventually, it all became too much and I started...taking things out on myself". As Magnus spoke, he slowly set his drink down on the bedside table. To Alec's initial confusion, Magnus began to remove his jacket, revealing his long-sleeved black shirt. Magnus paused for a moment, looking into Alec's eyes with what seemed like fear. "Magnus", Alec whispered. "You can trust me. You don't have to be afraid. I would never hurt you". With that, Magnus gave him a slight nod, reaching around to pull off his shirt. Alec was stunned and horrified at the sight before him. "Oh my god!", Alec said in horror as he took everything in. Magnus' entire torso was covered with a multitude of scars and marks, all seeming to come from something different: cigarette burns, knives, fists, and so much more. The most striking scarring, however, was located on the inside of Magnus' wrists. When Alec realized what it was, he as overcome with emotion, now realizing why Magnus had gotten so upset the other night when he talked about Magnus harming himself.

Alec couldn't help the tears that were beginning to form in his eyes. "Alexander. Please don't cry. This all happened a very long time ago. My father is behind bars where he should be, and I haven't harmed myself in many, many years". Alec was still breathing heavily, wanting to kiss every inch of Magnus' body and soul, wanting to kiss away the years of pain and heartache. Alec took another deep breath and tried to regain his composure, knowing that this response was probably not helping Magnus. When he had calmed down, Alec asked a question. "So this is why you...have a hard time with touch", Alec stated more than asked. Magnus nodded in answer. "I learned from a very young age that people who say they love you, really just end up hurting you, and my brain wont let me forget that. I'm severely traumatized by it. It usually takes a long time and a lot of baby steps for me to feel comfortable being touched by someone". Magnus then moved to put his shirt back on, allowing Alec to process all of this information. "Wait", Alec suddenly said. "If you're father is behind bars, then where is your mother?", Alec asked, wanting to know the whole story. Magnus' face turned white as he answered the question. "My mother killed herself Alexander. She saw no way out other than death. I found her lifeless body the next day. My father hadn't been back home that night. He had stayed out late getting very drunk as he often did. As I often do now". As Magnus told this part of the story, his face became oddly emotionless, needing to disconnect from it in order to tell Alec, needing to feel like it happened to someone else, not him. "I called an ambulance. I tried to save her. I couldn't. The cops took me away. I was put in foster care. My father was arrested. I was alone". Magnus stopped talking and silence hung in the air. Alec had not idea what to say. He had never heard something so horrific in his entire life. Suddenly Magnus snapped out of his trance, continuing to speak. "But over time, and through years of therapy, I was able to accept what happened". "I was able to cope with it and move on. I was able to channel my heartbreak into creative outlets like music and songwriting. It is my passion and authenticity that had led me to such success. You could say that I'm almost normal now, except for the tiny fact that every time someone touches me I think they're trying to kill me, and I'm definitely an alcoholic, but nobody's perfect!", Magnus joked, causing the two men to cynically laugh through their tears. "Alexander...", Magnus said in a serious tone. "Dating me is not easy, for so many reasons. I will understand if you want to"—"Magnus fucking Bane! You have to stop that!", Alec yelled jokingly. "You're not scaring me away! There is literally nothing you could say or do now that will be more intense than what we've just talked about, so you'll have to face it! You're stuck with me!", Alec joked causing the two to chuckle. "Magnus...", Alexander whispered after their laughter died down. "Can I wipe your tears away?", Alec asked, wanting so badly for Magnus to experience good touch, caring touch, loving touch, and know it was real and genuine, that not everyone wanted to hurt him. "Yes Alexander", Magnus whispered back. Slowly, but with purpose, Alec reached up his thumb to swipe the wet mix of tears and eyeliner from underneath Magnus eyes. Alec could feel the uneven breathing coming form the man's chest so he stopped, not wanting Magnus to feel upset. "No it's ok Alexander! You can keep going! It's ok!", Magnus almost yelled, trying to convince himself. "No", Alec replied calmly. "It's not ok. And it's ok to not be ok. I have nothing but time Magnus Bane. And you are worth the wait".