Malec Fanfic

Chapter 20

"Magnus!", Alec yelled in concern, jumping up from the bed to reach for his clothes, dressing quickly and making his way to the bathroom door. "Magnus what's wrong? Did I hurt you? What's going on?", Alec asked, continuing to knock on the door. Magnus could hear pure panic filling Alec's voice from the other side of the door. He couldn't allow Alec to think this was his fault. Slowly the rock star took a deep breath and opened the bathroom door. "Alexander", Magnus began as Alec's concerned expression was revealed. "Don't you dare ever think this is your fault. I just...freaked out a little from being so close...", Magnus looked down, swallowing hard as he tried to control his anxiety. Suddenly Alec turned around, grabbing Magnus' clothes from the floor and handing them to his nervous boyfriend. "Thanks baby", Magnus whispered, taking the clothing and covering himself up, feeling his anxiety slip away slightly as a physical barrier separated him from the world once more. "I know you said it wasn't my fault, but I'm still sorry Magnus. I got caught up in the heat of the moment and I crossed a boundary that you've made very clear. Magnus I"—"Shhh!", Magnus interrupted his boyfriend, placing his finger up to Alec's beautifully trembling lips. "That's the thing, Alexander. I wanted to be close to you...so badly. I wanted to hold you and feel you and I thought I could but when it was about to happen I... I freaked out. The closeness... it triggered a deep fear in me that has absolutely nothing to do with you, my love", Magnus explained, letting his hand fall to the side of Alec's face. Alec couldn't help it. His eyes fluttered closed as he took in the tenderness of Magnus' touch. Alec opened his eyes once more, reaching up to take Magnus' hand from his face and placing it within both of his palms.

"For what it's worth, Magnus...that was amazing. You are so sexy and... I didn't even need you to touch me to get me hard. That's a talent!", Alec confessed, causing both men to chuckle. "Alexander...", Magnus replied, raising his eyebrow in a coy manner. "Just because I had a little... episode toward the end, doesn't mean that I didn't enjoy absolutely every second of that", he said as he interlaced his fingers sensually within Alec's. "I can't wait until the day that I get to touch that beautiful body of yours...", Magnus continued, looking Alec up and down and suddenly wishing he was naked again. "Well to be clear, baby, you can touch me any time you like", Alec replied, stepping closer and placing a quick kiss on Magnus' cheek. "But I promise I will not touch you until you are absolutely, 100% ready. Magnus...you get to decide what to do with your own body. It is absolutely horrific what you had to go through in this life. You have been programmed to think that everyone who is close to you will hurt you. But I will NEVER, let a single soul get close to you or touch you without your consent...not even myself. And when the time comes that I get the absolute privilege of being close to you and making love to you and sleeping in your arms, I will cherish every second that you have allowed me into your life, because I know how much it will mean to you...and to me". Magnus couldn't help the happy tears that were forming in his eyes as Alec spoke to him. The rock star was at a loss for words as he allowed the tears of joy to fall. "How...how did I get so lucky to find you, Alexander?", Magnus asked, staring up at his tall love. "I could say the same thing baby", Alec replied in a whisper, stroking the back of his hand against Magnus' light stubble. As Magnus stared into his love's perfect hazel eyes, the fear he felt moments ago dissolved into the air. He felt calm, he felt safe, and he felt loved, mentally and physically. He could do this. He could be close to his Alexander. He knew in this moment, he was ready.

Alec could see a shift in Magnus' eyes as they stood there. "Magnus? What are you thinking about?". "Alexander...I...I want to try sleeping in your arms, if that's ok. I want to be close to the love of my life. I'm ready", Magnus stated, his jaw setting in a hard line of determination. Alec's eyes lit up as he took in what Magnus just said. "Ok... we're going to try this Alexander. I might seem nervous, but I want to keep pushing through, ok? Because in the end, I know once we do this, the rest will be so much easier. I just have to get past the initial anxiety, and I'll be good". "Ok baby. Just tell me what you want to do", Alec replied, nodding slightly. "Lets go back to the bed", Magnus stated, grabbing onto Alec's hand and leading the way. Alec's stomach flipped with excitement as they made their way back to the spot where they had just had their first intimate moment. "Ok", Magnus began, shaking his hands to get out the nerves. "How about you sit down baby", Magnus suggested and Alec following orders immediately. "Ok Alexander...how do you usually sleep? Do you wear pajamas?". "Honestly...usually just boxers, but I can"—"No that's ok. I want this to be as natural as possible", Magnus stated, standing right in front of his sitting boyfriend for the second time that night. "It will be", Alec assured his boyfriend, talking his hand once more. Magnus nodded in response, knowing what he had to do next. Slowly, but with purpose, Magnus took a step forward so he was standing in between Alec's bent knees. Next, the trembling rock star reaching out with his fingers to grip onto the front of his boyfriend's thin shirt, lifting slowly until Alec raised his arms to release him of his shirt for the second time that night. "Ok", Magnus said to himself as he crossed his arms around his own torso to pull of his shirt, with fell to the floor, matching Alexander's. Magnus closed his eyes and breathed deeply, trying his best to calm his nerves. "Damn...you are so beautiful", Alec whispered. Magnus' eyes flashed back open, knowing what he had to do next.