𝐰𝐡𝐲 𝐝𝐨𝐧'𝐭 𝐰𝐞 𝐢𝐦𝐚𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐬 [✓]

16. Not Your Fault

Warnings: kind of sad I guess

Jonah's PoV

It was simple, the plan. To let her down gently. Because I never wanted to hurt her. I just couldn't keep dragging her behind me while I was halfway across the world.

We were going on yet another tour in a month and I couldn't stand knowing that y/n would just be alone at home, missing me. Because she would be alone. She wouldn't open up to her family, she didn't have any friends to speak of. She was alone in the world. But if I left, she'd find someone else, someone who could be by her side at all times.

I swallowed hard, opening my phone to text y/n that I was here. The door to her house opened almost immediately.

Seeing her now, seeing her smile, hearing her voice, I nearly broke down and held on. But I couldn't be that selfish. That wouldn't be fair to her.

"Hey, Jo," she greeted brightly, sliding into the passenger seat.

I gave her a weak smile and turned back to fiddling with the knobs on my dashboard.

***

"Two scoops of coffee and double chocolate in a cone please." I smiled at y/n's familiar ice cream order. It hadn't been an awkward drive here, much to my relief. We'd fallen back into our old rhythms, singing loudly along to y/n's playlist and mercilessly teasing each other about it.

I paid and quickly laced my fingers through y/n's, leading her out into the streets of downtown. She was wearing my hoodie, I realized, and something about that made my heart ache painfully.

"C'mon, let's go to the park."

We didn't talk. We just sat on a bench, finishing our ice cream.

Y/n was the one to break the silence. "You need to tell me something, don't you."

It was more statement than question but I still nodded, still sighed. "Yeah," My voice was hoarse and I cleared my throat, fiddling with my rings. "I think we need to break up."

I glanced up as I said it and I swore I could see y/n's heart break as she stared at me.

"Oh."

I took one of her hands, which she'd balled up in her lap. "It's nothing on you. Everything about you is perfect. But I'm leaving for tour soon and I don't want you here alone, just waiting for me to come back. You deserve somebody who can always be there for you, who can devote every second of his life to you. I can't give that to you."

She just kept staring wide-eyed at the ground.

I cupped her cheek gently and tried to meet her gaze but it was like she was just staring right through me. "Baby?" The pet name slipped out before I remembered I wasn't allowed to say that anymore.

"Y/n?"

She pulled away from me and stood up, walking away. I grasped her shoulder gently.

"Y/n, what are you doing?"

"Going home." She avoided looking at me, her eyes resting somewhere around my shoulder.

I shook my head. "It's like a 45-minute walk. I'll drive you."

Y/n just pulled away from me and shoved her hands in her hoodie pocket.

Fuck.

***

Every day leading up to tour was like another crushing weight on my shoulders. Y/n wasn't active on social media, she hadn't been to the coffee shop at all over the last week, strange because she'd gone there nearly every day since I'd met her two years ago.

Even the guys were catching on, though I hadn't told them. Daniel had asked me why I wasn't going to see her more often, with tour coming up. Jack asked why she wasn't answering his texts. And Corbyn said she'd bailed on him for shopping.

Eventually, they cornered me, or Corbyn did at least.

He plucked my book out of my hands and set it on the coffee table. I glared at him. "What?"

"Care to tell me what the fuck is going on with y/n?" Corbyn snapped.

I immediately cringed. Corbyn had been best friends with y/n since before I'd even met her and I felt horrible that I may have put a rift in their relationship.

"She hasn't been answering my texts and she blocked me on Insta yesterday. I tried going to her house after that and she slammed the door in my face." Corbyn's pissed voice held a tone of hurt and I mentally slapped myself.

I sighed and put my face in my hands. "I broke up with her," I mumbled.

"I'm sorry, what?" Corbyn's jaw dropped.

"I can't do that to her knowing she's just going to be sad and alone at home while I'm on tour," I admitted.

Corbyn slapped me hard on the back of the head. "Fucking idiot. That is dumber than Zach asking what would happen if he put an egg in the toaster."

"I just-"

"You love her, dumbass. How could you do that to her?" He glared at me when I opened my mouth to answer and just continued speaking. "You should fucking know her by now. You should know how she's taking this. Whatever you may have said about it not being her fault, you should know that she's just overanalyzing every single move she's ever made, every word she's spoken." Corbyn looked like he was going to cry. "No matter what you said, she won't listen. She's listening to her anxiety. She's saying it's her fault."

I squeezed my eyes shut, tugging roughly at my hair. "Fuck."

"She's your fucking world, Jo. And you know this was exactly the reason I was so apprehensive about you dating. Don't break her just because you think she'd be better off without you."

***

I knocked rapidly on the door, praying her mom would let me in.

The door swung open. "Jonah."

"Mrs. y/l/n, is y/n home?"

She nodded. "She hasn't left her room in days, locked me out. Did something happen between you?"

"Yeah, I was a dumbass, that's what happened."

Her mom cracked a weak, ironic smile. "Go on up."

I raced up the stairs, thanking god that y/n's door was unlocked. I opened it and closed my eyes at the sight before me. Y/n was laying on her bed on top of the covers. She hadn't changed since our date. Her hair was a mess and her face looked so absolutely shattered at the sight of me.

"What do you want?" Her voice was small and hoarse.

"I'm so fucking sorry. I was trying to do the right thing but I did the exact opposite. I wanted to keep you from hurting," I sat down tentatively on the edge of her mattress, wanting so badly to sweep her up in my arms and kiss away her pain. "Y/n, I fucked up so monumentally. Please take me back."

She raised her arms, stretching out for me.

I nearly pounced, bundling her into me. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry," I mumbled into her hair. "I love you."

"I love you too, Jo."

"You're one of the best things that have ever happened to me."

"One of?" She asked teasingly.

"I mean, the pancakes I had this morning are pretty up there as well."

"Are you saying I have to compete against pancakes?" She sighed dramatically. "I'll never win."

I chuckled and nuzzled into her neck. "You beat out every bite of pancake I've ever had, my love."

***

Sorry, this was so trash. :')