𝐰𝐡𝐲 𝐝𝐨𝐧'𝐭 𝐰𝐞 𝐢𝐦𝐚𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐬 [✓]

17. Poison

Don't hate me please.

I sobbed into my arms, clutching my knees weekly with my shaking hands.

Grief was like a physical weight in my chest, squeezing my ribs and wrenching painful sobs from me. I could hear Jonah crying on the other side of the door and I wanted to reach through the wood, hold him in my arms, tell him we would be alright. But I couldn't do that anymore. It wouldn't be fair to either of us.

I'd already pulled away too far, the constant arguments getting to me. I couldn't handle the constant stress and breakdown after one of our fights. It just wasn't good for either of us anymore.

"Jonah, you're so fucking controlling!" I yelled, my grip on the countertop tightening.

"I was worried for you!" he yelled back, his beautiful face twisting in anger.

I scoffed at him, eyes shooting daggers into his own as I crossed the kitchen to head upstairs, already done with his overprotective bullshit. "I told you this morning I'd be out with friends tonight."

"How the fuck was I supposed to remember that? You should've-"

I whirled on him. "So now it's my fault?! You're the one who's supposed to remember your own shit! I can't keep babying you, Jonah. I'm your girlfriend, not your goddamn babysitter!"

Hot tears spilled down my cheeks as I remembered the harsh words exchanged yesterday. I thought we'd resolved our issues last night but it all came back this morning and blew up in our faces. I slowly heaved myself up, wiping at my cheeks with my hoodie. My hoodie. Not Jonah's. I hadn't been wearing his hoodies lately, something that also came up in our argument this morning.

I sighed and walked to the closet where I had my suitcase and heaved it onto the bed. A new wave of pain washed through me as I looked at what used to be our bed. We'd had our first time together there, cuddled there, talked there, fucked there.

I closed my eyes to try and block out the memories but they came anyway, like brief camera flashes as I skipped through the hundreds of nights we'd spent curled together in this bed.

Jonah's warm weight pressed against my back, his arm draping around me to protect my body from the morning chill. His bare skin was deliciously warm against my own. I hummed happily and snuggled into him again, breathing in the smell of him.

His heartbeat was a familiar beat next to my ear and I smiled softly.

My eyes were still heavy with sleep and I had no incentive to open them. I could feel Jonah's warm breath across the top of my head, stirring my messy hair. As I drifted back to sleep I could feel him pull me just the slightest bit closer, tucking me further into him.

More tears collected on my lashes and I wiped them away before they could fall.

I shoved my laptop and chargers into the case before turning to the closet and shoving in enough clothes for several days. I'd called my best friend and she'd be picking me up in about ten minutes.

Jonah knocked on the door before entering, leaning back against it. "So this is it?" His voice was low and broken, eyes bloodshot and hair messy. "This is the end?"

I nodded, not making eyes contact with him.

"I love you. Jonah. But I can't do this anymore. We're poisonous to each other. We get into fights every other day and I can't live like this anymore. I'm sorry, Jonah. I'm sorry."

His face fell but he didn't look surprised. "There's nothing I can do to make you stay?"

My voice broke as I tried to answer so I just shook my head, looking anywhere but him. "I'm sorry."

"She's picking me up in a few minutes." I glanced at Jonah and immediately regretted it. My instincts screamed to go and comfort him but I just couldn't. I couldn't remain in this cycle anymore. "I'll be back sometime this week to get the rest of my stuff."

Jonah shook his head. "You can have the apartment. I'll move in with Corbs and Eben. I know how hard it was for you to find an apartment the last time. Don't want you going through that again."

"Are you sure? I don't wanna-"

He nodded. "Just take it. You can move out if you want but you can keep all of the furniture and everything. You bought most of it anyway."

I nodded, turning back to my suitcase just so Jonah wouldn't see me cry.

"I'll be out by Saturday," he murmured.

Trails of hot tears rushed down my cheeks and my shoulders shook, hands clenching on the handle of my case.

The doorbell rang. Jonah's shoulders slumped dejectedly.

My voice came out thick and unsteady as I choked out, "Thank you for all the good times."

I hesitated by the door, desperately wanting just one last hug but I knew that if I held onto him again I'd just never let go.

With tears running down my face and my lips trembling, I hauled my suitcase out the door and walked away from the best and worst relationship I'd ever had.

***

I cried while writing that lol

Hope you don't hate me too much for that but I was wondering if you'd want a second part to this where they meet again years later or if I could just leave it there where its vv sad.