XXXVII - Nodus Tollens

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n. the realization that the plot of your life doesn't make sense to you anymore—that although you thought you were following the arc of the story, you keep finding yourself immersed in passages you don't understand, that don't even seem to belong in the same genre—which requires you to go back and reread the chapters you had originally skimmed to get to the good parts, only to learn that all along you were supposed to choose your own adventure.

* * *

Days passed and Goyo's nightmares continue. Often, I'll be hearing his moans from my room. I always make a mental note to count to a hundred before deciding to check on him to wake him up. Good thing that he usually wakes up halfway. My prayers had been always with him, knowing that I hate to continue barging in his room just to console him. But our midnight talks, both of us no longer able to sleep after such episodes, remain. The wooden wall between us as we converse about random things become a witness of it.

Until, one night that even a count to a hundred didn't pull him to wake up. Only then that I take my shawl with me and wake him up. Just like that first night that I encounter him being plunge by his nightmare. I wake him, calling for his name as my hands remain on his shoulders, shaking him a little. Thankfully, he is easily swayed by that and he awakes.

When he does, he looks at me. His face sweaty and confused. And like usual, he asks me what time it is.

"Masyadong malalim pa ang gabi ngayon kumpara noong mga nakaraang beses," I answer.

He sighs heavily as he sits up and wipes his face with his hands and pushes his hair back. "Naalala ko bigla..." he says, "Aalis na rin pala si Kuya."

Ever since that first nightmare, just as Goyo asked of me, I keep the incident between the two of us. After all, Julian had asked a favor out of me to help Goyo out such a nightmare, if ever. But then, Julian, being given the assignment that is to bring him back to Bulacan, far away from Goyo... I don't think it will do him good. I know that, since the start, Julian had been Goyo's anchor. Not to mention that it isn't only Julian who is leaving, the rest of the seven musketeers as well. Rather, the seven musketeers had already left a few days ago already, assigned as well by President Aguinaldo, aside for Isidro. That's why, all who are left with us had been Enteng and his younger brother Jose, Goyo and Julian's cousin Juan, and Isidro. And the moment that Julian leaves tomorrow, it will just be the few of us.

On the day that the rest of the seven musketeers had left, with only him to continue accompanying Goyo, Isidro told me, "Sa huli't huli, ako lang din pala ang pahihintulutan ng tadhana na makipaglaban kasama ng unang nagudyok sa amin sa digmaan para sa bayan."

I felt the dread on his words. The worry. The confusion. The fear. The anxiety. His words gave me some closure that this is just the beginning of the end.

"Bigyan natin ng despedida si Kuya," he tells me as he immediately moves out of the bed to wake his brother and Enteng before I can even stop him.

All the reason that we find ourselves walking, groggily, with Julian still sleepy, on the way to a river that Goyo had mentioned. It is a long walk to reach it, being it one of the boundaries of Dagupan with its neighboring town of Lingayen. It's only the four of us since Juan, Jose and Isidro are assigned in the patrol for tonight.

"Kakaiba din makaisip ng despedida itong si Goyong," Julian remarks after a yawn.

"Tahimik," Goyo alerts everyone, halting us. A few seconds later, he pulls us out of the main path and to hide in a nearby bush as two soldiers on patrol passed by our hiding place.

"Bakit ba tayo nagtatago eh mga sundalo din natin iyan?" The older del Pilar asks in a whisper.

"Tahimik sabi," retorts the younger.

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