pay you with love ♡ malum (discontinued)

03 ➵ something about you

"Tell me something about you."

Calum looked up to me through his eyelashes and blinked a few times before speaking up.

"Why? Why should I tell a stranger about myself? Why do you even want to know?" he asked, a confused look on his face. "Usually people don't want to know anything about me. They just want sex, then they leave and never show up again, except they want more sex."

"Well, I'm not like that," I stated simply.

"Yeah, but why do you care so much?"

"I don't know."

A silence fell over the hotel room.

I didn't like it here.

It was dirty and smelt bad and the fact that people were using Calum here didn't make it any better.

"But what if I told you about me? What would you do with that information? Would you -- would you tell your friends about me? Would you tell them how pathetic and stupid people like me are? I -- I just don't understand," Calum said, voice trembling.

He was close to crying again.

I let out a small laugh, "Do I really look like a person that will make fun of you? Do you really think I would do that? I just want to talk. I feel like you need someone to talk to."

And he started at me with a blank expression.

And then he just nodded and started talking.

"When I was young, m-my mum died. She -- she died in a c-car crash. I don't, uh, I don't even remember how she looked like or what kind of person she was. I was r-really young.

And my dad, my dad was a horrible person. No, he wasn't horrible. He -- he was a drug addict and spent all our money on cocaine and I -- I hated that so much, but I loved him, even though he was always passed out on the couch and I was too young to know what to do.

And one day, I came home from school and he was gone. I was only fourteen and I was all alone. I tried living on my own for a week, but I had no money and no food and I was so alone. I stopped going to school, the money was more important.

I started begging on the streets but people ignored me. And one day I came to this part of the town. I knew exactly what people were doing here and I was so lost and hungry and I really needed money."

I cut him off, a little bit shocked, "You started, wow, what? You started -- this with fourteen?"

He nodded and single tear rolled down his cheek but Calum wiped it away with the sleeve of his sweater.

"But I hate it. And I hate myself for doing this. I always did, that's -- that's why I have those cuts on my hip. It's -- I'm so sorry. I should stop. I -- can you p-please go?" he said inbetween small sobs.

"No."

"Please go, I want to -- I want to be alone."

"Do you really?" I asked and waited for an answer. He opened his mouth but closed it immediately, like if he wanted to say something but didn't know what.

And then, "No."

I smiled sadly at him and leaned in for a hug, which he gladly accepted.

Calum was really small and thin and it worried me a little bit but I didn't want to ask him about that. I didn't want to push him.

He was already opening up to me a lot even though we have only met once before, and I was glad that he talked to me.

"M-Michael?"

"Yeah?"

"Why did you, uh, why did you come here last week?" he asked as he pulled away, biting his bottom lip. "I mean, you don't have to tell me. It's really non of my business, I just-"

"It's fine," I said and smiled a little. "I was a little bit frustrated. Sexually, I mean. Uh, I haven't had sex in a few months and tried to pick up some boys but no one really wanted. Somehow I ended up here, in your room."

"Why didn't you do it? Why did you stop?"

I shrugged, "I just -- I couldn't do it."

"You stopped when you felt my scars."

And he looked at me with his warm, brown eyes, waiting for me to say something.

"Do you think -- you thought they are disgusting, right? That's why you didn't want to have sex with me."

"No, what are you talking about? That was not the reason why. I don't think your scars are disgusting. I think they're like a reminder of how you survived those bad times when you were younger. They were not the reason why I didn't have sex with you," I explained.

"Then what was the reason?"

"I felt sorry. I -- When I looked into your eyes the first time, they looked so sad and you are so young and small and I just couldn't do it."

And Calum smiled while playing with the hem of his sweater.

"Now tell me something about you."

"About me?" I asked. "There's not much to tell. I work at this game store in town four days a week. I like to go on walks, which is really weird. Like, sometimes I get up very early and just walk around for an hour. But most of the time I'm hanging out with my friends."

"I want that too," he said, almost whispered.

"What?"

"A normal life. I want to hang out with friends and have a normal job. I want to have my family back. But I have non of that. No friends, no normal job, no family."

And this time it was me who almost let a tear slip.

"Why don't you just try getting another job?" I asked.

Calum scoffed. "It's not that easy, Michael. I left school with fourteen and my last report card is full of D's and F's. I'm not very smart, I never was. No one wants someone like me in their business or shop."

I just looked at him with a sad expression because I knew that I couldn't do anything about that.

We sat in silence for a few more minutes, Calum was fiddling with the sleeves of his sweater and I tried not to stare at him too much.

And when I left we hugged again, it was a long hug.

I then went to Ashton's house again, not wanting to sit home alone.

"Dude, is that mascara on your shirt?"

And I totally forgot that Calum cried into my chest for hours and I also forgot that the crying had totally ruined his mascara.

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This took me two days to write, usually I need two hours for a chapter.

I guess I just want this story to be perfect.

And yes I had to mention Calum's mascara again, don't fight me.

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I see you next chapter (hopefully) ୨୧