The Other Side of Life

Chapter Eleven

The Other Side of Life: Chapter Eleven~ (Filler)

Willow had often wondered what it would be like if someone she loved were to pass away. Of course she never wanted it to happen, but that didn't stop the thoughts from passing through her mind.

The thought of losing her parents made her heart ache, and even though she didn't have the best relationship with them, she knew they loved her just as much as she loved them. The idea of them not being there anymore terrified her when she really thought about it; to the point she genuinely believed she'd go insane and have one of those mental breakdowns some people had.

Willow could never handle change, and losing someone would be the biggest change of all.

But she never really knew what she'd feel if she were to lose someone that was not her mom or dad. Again, Willow was not heartless, she was just... a little closed off when it came to her feelings. She knew she'd be sad, that was a given, she was just unsure of what her reaction would be— she was still uncertain of her reaction, in fact.

She couldn't remember how she found out or how she acted when she was told about the passing of her boyfriend and two friends, it was a memory she couldn't seem to find. But she knew she would've had to have been informed somehow because she knew about their deaths.

She'd always assumed she'd shut down— go numb, in a sense. But Willow hadn't done that. Essentially, she'd been carrying on like she normally would; she got out of bed every day, she spoke to people, she slept, she ate, she kept up personal hygiene... Willow Saint went through life as usual, like she hadn't just suffered the loss of three of the most important people in her life.

And for that she felt bad.

For that she sat on her bed with her back pressed against the headboard, her knees pulled up to her chest as her arms secured themselves around her legs to keep them in place. Her tanned face was blotched red and her cheeks were damp from tears as she stared up at the plain ceiling.

She'd just gotten a text from Ethan. He told her he was just messaging so she could save his number (as she hadn't taken his in the store the other day) and to tell her that he was looking forward to getting her response about the Sunday night bonfire— hoping she'd agree to come.

It was stupid that, one simple text— from a boy she had known less than a week— could cause such a reaction from her, but as she racked her brain for a response, battling with herself whether to decline or accept the invitation, she started thinking about Luca; how much he enjoyed the beach, loving the feel of the sand between his toes and jumping over the waves in the sea. She thought about Tammy; her weird obsession with fire and her strange addiction to the smell of smoke. She thought about Connor; how he always had a beer in his hand and made inappropriate jokes at the most awkward times. She thought about how all three of them would've loved to go to the bonfire at the beach; she could picture their smiles, their outfits, hear the excitement in their voices.

She wanted them there, next to her. She wanted them alive and healthy. She wanted them happy and smiling. She just wanted them.

She was tired of the guilt, of the crying, of the emptiness in her chest. Selfishly, she wanted to stop feeling so horrible. Even on the days she was laughing, when she came across happy and whole, her heart was aching and her chest felt heavy. She tried to ignore it, avoid the feeling in hopes that, if she didn't give it any acknowledgement, it would just go away.

But it didn't.

She was constantly in this state of feeling extreme internal pain, but also feeling numb. It was like her mind had yet to admit to itself that they were really gone, but at the same time, she'd accepted it the moment she found out about them.