Lizzie Bennet Diaries one-shots

Rewatch

Lizzie rewatches her videos, and she does not like what she sees.

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Lizzie was rewatching her videos.

The first night after Lydia found out about the website, Lizzie had gone into Lydia's room and sat on the side of her bed. She hadn't said anything, she just wanted her sister to know that she was there.
After a while, a muffled sound came from the big pile of blankets. "You don't have to be here, you know?"
"What do you mean, of course I do," Lizzie had answered, petting where she thought Lydia's shoulder should be.
Lydia's head peaked above the pillow: "I saw your videos. You have replaced me. Go back to your new family."

So Lizzie was rewatching her videos.

At first, she hadn't. At first, she denied saying "No, you're my sister!" "I would never replace you!" and "I am right here for you!" Lydia hadn't responded, but the next day Lizzie found a note on her bed. "I am sorry for what I said. Xoxo totes your coolest sis (don't tell Jane)"

That should have settled it, right? Lydia apologised, it wasn't true. Lizzie would never replace Lydia. Lydia was... Lydia. Her sister. Her lovely, annoying, wonderful, energetic little sister who would always be there. Family is family, and Lizzie would never let down her family. Lydia had just said that because she was upset about George and turning that anger on Lizzie. Right?

So why was Lizzie rewatching her videos?

"You have replaced me." The words hadn't left Lizzie's mind. She watched her videos, analysing every little movement she made, every word she said, every look she gave. She and Lydia just had been in a fight, like many times before. Lydia spiralled, and Lizzie had been petty and not been there for her sister when she needed her most. That was awful, but not once had she forgotten Lydia or left her behind, let alone replaced her! That simply wasn't true! She needed to prove to herself that it was nothing.

That's why Lizzie was rewatching her videos.

As she was watching, Lizzie got more and more uncomfortable. Instead of staying with Lydia, she left. Instead of talking to her, she ignored her. Instead of apologising, she waited for Lydia to apologise. She ran away to San Francisco, and she didn't look behind her once. How often had she thought about Lydia while she was at Pemberley Digital? Why hadn't she texted? Called? Hadn't it been her job to look after her sister and make sure that she was ok? Had she been kind and caring to Gigi because she liked Gigi, or had she been kind and caring to Gigi because she wanted to make up for the mess that she made with Lydia?

Lizzie was rewatching her videos, and she did not like what she saw.

She went to Pemberley Digital and made a new family. She started bonding with one man while Lydia was sucked down by another. She saw it clearly now. Every word she had said, every move she had made. Every time she had called Lydia a slut, every time she had shut her out. Every time Lydia had said "I love you" and every time she hadn't said it back. Every time Lydia had fun and she berated her for it. Every little time she had failed her sister, tearing her down instead of building her up.

Lizzie was rewatching her videos, and rewatch she did. Again and again, until she couldn't anymore.

Lydia was right. She had replaced her. She had gone to Pemberley and built a new family so she didn't have to think about the one she left behind. She had left Lydia in a ditch when she should have picked her up, and had turned to Gigi to deal with the guilt. Lydia was right, and she had always been. So that left only one question unanswered.

Why was Lydia the one who apologised?

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A/N: This chapter is a little different from my usual work. It's less of a structured story, and more of a poetry piece. I wrote it in the wake of George Floyd's death. Please watch the video linked above, and please take this time to re-think your own inner biases and contributions to an unjust society.