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This chapter contains physical abuse. If it's triggering, you can skip this part.
Worthless daughter. Your mother would be ashamed of you. I wish you were never born. Stupid child.
This and much more I get to hear from my father every day. Yes exactly my own father or should I rather say the person who contributes to the creation of me. It has been like this for years.
Since the death of my mother, my father has gone out of control. He takes drugs, alcohol and much more every day. And then I feel the consequences. Violence, insults and other things.
My mother was the greatest mother I could ever have. I wish I was only as beautiful as her. My hair is long dark brown almost black and curly. This is the only thing I inherited from my mother.
If you know my parents, you would think that I am adopted. I have freckles, a birthmark over my lip and what I don't like about myself are my eyes. They are blue but on my right eye I have a pigmentation disorder.
This means that my right eye is blue with a brown spot. My mother said that this makes me unique. Of course I am not unique. There is nothing I like about myself.
I hate my face, my body, everything. I don't even dare to put on short clothes in summer.
Of course it's also understandable when your own father calls you a slut just because you wear something short.
Besides I never had real friends if only people who were nice to me but that was it. I also had to quit college because we couldn't afford it anymore because of him.
I had no mom, no school, no friends and no chance to have an education .
I hate it.
I feel like Princess Rapunzel. Locked up in a house. I wish that one day someone would come to get me out of here before it's too late for me.
The only thing that can calm me down on a day like this is my little notebook where I write. Writing is my passion. When I write, I forget everything that happens around me.
I've been doing that since I was a kid and I always hoped I would make it big but of course someone had to destroy it. "I hate getting flashbacks from things I don't want to remember"
this quote was the first one I wrote in my notebook. And there is nothing in the world truer than that.
Because when I think of the things my father did to me, even a murderer would shy away from him and my scars on my body and face show that.
